Confidence.

I had an audition Friday morning. This was my first live one in a while. I was contacted at 6am about going to the audition at 11:45am later that day. My agent informed me that this was a big casting director and it would be in my best interest to meet them. Despite it being 6:15am, I was pumped and grateful for the chance to meet said casting director. 

Unfortunately, getting sides 5 hours before an audition isn't the ideal situation. I tried my best to memorize what I could, but with 8 pages of text I settled on trying to make some bold choices and attempt to avoid looking at the pages the entire time. I drove out to the casting office and while waiting to go in, my nerves started. I started to pep talk myself, but felt entirely unprepared. When it was finally my time to go in, I tensed up and sped through the scenes with none of my minimally rehearsed choices and was in and out within 5 minutes. 

Fail.

All these excuses came surging through my brain, "If only I had more time. I wish I hadn't felt so rushed. There was too much pressure on this meeting. I didn't like the character anyway. I mean, I only got the sides this morning..." as I was driving away, I realized that none of these excuses were viable. They were just ways for me to avoid the truth: I lacked confidence, again.

This word. This feeling. This mindset; is my albatross. I have been grappling with it since first year at NTS. Prior to school, I didn't care what anyone thought of me, I knew who I was (or so I thought) and nothing was going to stop me from killing it every time I walked on stage. Having been smashed apart and slowly built back up at NTS, I'm still trying to reclaim that, once free, Wayne who would have done anything to get in front of people. I miss him; he is still inside me. Once I uncover him again, we can get on living the life he wants for me.

Granted, this was my 5th (in person) audition since graduation, so I have to give myself a break. I need a little more time to acclimate, that's normal. Nerves are normal they mean I care. I need to embrace their presence and breathe a little deeper.

Some of these rooms aren't the most inviting or coziest places to show ones work, but these rooms are not for artistry, they are for business. That's what I have to keep in mind. I have to be professional and perform the best I can in the medium that is "the audition". No one is going to make me comfortable, that is my responsibility. I have to take my space and, if necessary, wait until the reader is with me; treat them as my scene partner. If my scene partner were rushing through dialogue and not connecting with me I would stop and ask them what was happening, or simply look at them until I am ready to speak. I put time into the piece; I deserve to do it the way I want.

Working on Olympus has taught me many things, but one of the biggest is how much confidence affects my work. When I walk onto set now I know what I'm doing, I know my character, I've done my homework, I know my lines inside and out, I know all the crew... it's a completely comfortable environment. Sure, there are days where I have to bare my soul to strangers, but I know that more or less they are all there with me, at the very least the director is. The set has become my home. I have to do the same with the audition room. I need be true to me and let my work shine through. I'm a well-trained, intelligent, talented actor so why am I not letting them see what I can do?

Fear? Doubt? Rejection? These things that have no place in my work. They need to be exorcized out of me then doused in nitroglycerin and smashed into thousands of unidentifiable pieces. 

From now on I will no longer succumb to the aforementioned. I will be brave, confident and specific in my choices. I will execute with passion and focus; my life depends on it.

****

I'm looking forward to getting back into a routine. I don't have a project coming up upon my return to Toronto so I'm excited to have time to establish said routine, while finally doing some things I have been putting off for years. Like learning how to play piano, cooking killer breakfasts, and getting my voice back in shape.

I've been obsessed with tight choreography lately and want to experience some live. I watched Pina last night and had forgotten how much dance speaks to my soul. I'm working on writing a play, while  developing some performance ideas. I want to meet more artists in my community, I want to collaborate on projects and ultimately get back in touch with my creativity. Through that I will rediscover "confident Wayne", who's been waiting to play for a while now.  

W. 

Divine Intervention - Part One.

I cannot contain my excitement anymore: a month ago, in a matter of hours, my life was turned upside down.

It was a Friday evening and I had received an email from my agent for a new network television show that was filming in Vancouver. She said they needed a self-tape by Monday afternoon, at the latest. I was working a dishwashing shift at the time and I started to recruits someone who may be able to help me get a decent self tape done before the aforementioned deadline.

My good friend, Daniel, came to my rescue by saying he could help me film it Sunday night, after my shift, as he had a friend that was also submitting for the role. When I got home and finally started to read over the scene something electric happened: I knew it was mine. Perhaps it was all the self-help books and audio tapes I had been listening to, or divine intervention, but I had never felt so confident about, one: a project and two: me booking a role.

The next two days, I thought of nothing else, those sides became woven into every fibre of my being. I spoke the lines to myself every waking moment; perfecting how I was going to perform them Sunday night. I confessed to my co-workers how bad I would feel for up and leaving the restaurant to go do this role, in the event that I booked it. I did the whole Robert De Niro mirror routine umpteen times. I treated my cats like the characters opposite me in the scene, their udder disinterest only feeding the energy of the scene.

All this prep was for a self-tape...

*For those of you who may not know what a self-tape is: basically they are a way for actors to submit for roles that they would normally not be able to submit for because they live/are working outside of the casting location. You may be thinking, "Oh that sounds great! And also SUPER convenient.” This is a great way of looking at it, as it is both of those things. The downside to submitting to a project via self-tape is that anyone who had access to the breakdown also submitted to said project; making the competition grow indefinitely, and usually moving ones submission to the bottom of an ever growing pile of tapes.

I showed up at Daniel's around 12:30 am on Monday morning after my shift ended. To my surprise he had a stellar and very professional set up for me, I am used to filming my tapes on my iPhone. Buddy had lights, I background and a high-quality camera. (You are a king, Daniel.) We talked for a bit about what I wanted it to look like and got to work.

My heart had never been in something so much before, I was so concerned about it being the best I could make it. Here I was in a comfortable situation with someone who I trusted and who supported me, if I couldn't bring the good then, there was no way I could ever bring it. The last two days had been building to this moment and now I was in it, after doing about 3 usable takes from each side I chose which ones to use. I have this feeling that if I do too many takes I start to over analyze my performance. The best takes, for me, are usually the first or second, as those are the most instinctual. Daniel edited them there for me, provided me with some much needed advice and encouragement, and we sent them off.

It was done.

I walked home in the middle of a rainstorm with no umbrella, despite Daniel insisting me to take his. It felt good to have the stress washed away from me, so to speak. I talked to myself the whole way back and settled that the only way for me to be truly successful was to relinquish control and concern over what happened with that tape from there on out. It was out of my hands, and into the casting directors. It was up to the universe.

On Tuesday, amid cleaning my apartment, I got a call from my agents’ secretary saying that I had been shortlisted for the role. My whole body started shaking, I was one of potentially 2-20 people from across the country that were being considered. She told me to just keep my phone close as they would keep me posted about progress. I was dying. I thought to myself that even if I didn't get further than this I was still happy. Someone had watched my tape and thought I was good enough to be shortlisted. It was an incredible feeling.

Continued in Part Two...

When it Rains, It Pours.

Hey Abyss,

On Friday of last week I had an audition for a new film in Halifax called All the Wrong Reasons. I booked the part and am excited to say that I will be sharing a set with Corey Monteith, Adam Brody, Sarah Gadon, Emily Hampshire, Kevin Zegers and Denis Theriualt.

I am beyond stoked.

Hopefully I will get to meet them.

Now the reason for the title today is due to the fact that since being in Guysborough teaching drama to kids I have had more auditions offers then the rest of the summer.

Isn't that the way.

As soon as you are unavailable things start popping up. Luckily my agents are the best and are completely accommodating. Tomorrow morning I am auditioning for Haven yet again.

This is about my 7th time in three seasons. It is for two characters and I am learning the sides as we speak. It would be awesome to nab one of the roles because it films exactly when I am in between teaching jobs.

I was really worried that this summer I wouldn't work as much as I did last summer, but that seems to be perking up. Things have really be working out awesome in the last few days, which ties into my last post of when we stop stressing about life and what it holds for us, it can bring some wonderful opportunities to the table.

The kids I have been teaching this week have been really great and have been teaching me a lot about myself, which is always a plus. I sometimes forget how smart kids are, they are clever and always keep me on my toes. Tomorrow we are choreographing a piece together to prepare them for their performance on Friday and I am excited to see how they will react to being on an actual stage this year (last year we were in a community hall).

I am so happy with how things are going in my life right now, and I really looking forward to taking the happiness and inspiration back to school with me. I feel this year is going to be an important one developmentally and I am ready for the challenge.

Thanks for listening and follow me on Twitter @wayne_burns, and check out my IMDB.

All the Wrong Reasons --> http://seaandbescene.com/2012/07/all-the-wrong-reasons-filming-in-halifax/

Night Abyss

A little less conversation.

Hey Abyss,

The last few weeks have been a combination of really busy and really slow. I am currently still looking for a job due to my dwindling bank account and have found myself employed at multiple establishments with no guarantee for work, which is quite helpful at this stage.

Currently I am an actor, a pirate who can do children's parties, a knife salesman, a camp councillor and I am waiting to hear back from a garbage collector job. I am really holding out for the last one because it is promising continuous work and a reliable paycheque. With possession of this job I will swiftly change my name to Wayne 'Garbage Man Extrodinaire' Burns, as recommended by my ever supportive mother.

I had a job interview for Apple on Saturday and it was such a great experience, they really create an environment that you would be crazy not to want to work in. The operative word there being crazy. Everyone is just so happy and loves life and the products. All part of their marketing scheme, which of course has made them over 50 billion dollars worth of sales. As the rep said, "That is 6,000 dollars per square foot of the earth...", thats a lot of monies.

Here is hoping that I can find something to make me money, other than having to resort to selling myself and changing my name to Wayne 'Stripper Extrodinaire"Burns. Of course Channing Tatum did it and now there is movie being made about it.... http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1915581/

So with all of my free time I have been spending most of it with my Sugar Mama girlfriend who has basically allowed me to leech off of her for the last month in promise of me hitting her back with the funds when I become employed. What a great girl.

There has been no auditions for anything...which is rather depressing. It doesn't look like this summer is gonna be as lucrative as the last one, unfortunately. I have been involved in two shows though since my return and they went really well. The first was SOLOICIOUS which was spearheaded by Sebastein Hiens and was performed at the Bus Stop Theatre in Halifax (http://www.facebook.com/Soloicious). It was a festival of sorts where about 8 performers all did solo work that spanned many mediums. It was a sold out evening and will hopefully make a comeback next year. I was so impressed with the talent involved in the project.

Next show was something called a evening of short plays, which is exactly how is sounds. This was put on by Once Upon a Theatre Collective in the same place (Bus Stop Theatre: http://twitter.com/#!/onceupontheatre). It was an awesome experience as well. We had about 12 hours to direct and perform a piece, a challenge but well worth it.

That has been the extent of my perfuming in the last little bit, other than a reading of Michael Healey's play Proud which was rejected by Tarragon Theatre in Toronto. And a play by Mark Ravenhill called Shopping and Fucking, which was interesting to say the least.

That is all there is right now, but I will keep you as updated as possible and will tell you what interesting things I find in the garbage while picking up all the things you throw on the ground.

Check me out on twitter @wayne_burns, and my IMDB and check out the interview and review of SOLOICIOUS below.

Night Abyss

Reviews: http://www.twisitheatreblog.com/archives/1229
                http://www.twisitheatreblog.com/archives/1188
                http://www.twisitheatreblog.com/archives/date/2012/05/page/2

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Ravenhill

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/theatre-and-performance/michael-healey-and-his-play-proud/article534494/

Back in the Groove

Hey,

Alright so it has been almost a week since I have been home, to be exact 5 days. Most of those days, or rather, all of those days have been spent catching up with my friends and girlfriend who has the patience of Job to deal with me and my radical behaviour.

So now that "vacation" is over it is time to start getting back on the streets and selling myself.

Wow, didn't think that through.

I am in progress of updating all my resume's and photos to bring into my agency tomorrow in attempts to garner at least as much work as last summer. Hopefully more.

I am flat broke this time around and will probably have to cave to working at a gas station or McDonalds, both of which I think would be quite interesting to work at. But enough about my potential unemployment and more about the opportunities that are coming about!

I have probably already mentioned my involvement in a festival created my one of my fellow NTS'rs, Sebastien Heins, who graduated earlier this month. He and I as well as 4 other performers are showing our talents in a two hour evening on the 27th at 8pm at the Bus Stop Theatre in Halifax. I am stoked for this show because it will be the first time I have performed my Vocal Masque outside of school and I also get to meet a lot of cool people, which is always a bonus.

After this I, potentially, have a gig on June 4th, which is an evening of short plays and I have been tentatively cast in this as well! So some good coverage coming up, but no monies.

So here is hoping that I can get some film work ASAP. For my cats sake.

Also, my girlfriend and I went to see "Fishing' by Jeremy Webb and Stacy Smith. It was awesome if you have the chance to see it, do it.

Just a short one tonight, but I will keep you posted. Check out my twitter and IMDB!

Night Abyss.

http://www.thebusstoptheatre.org/calendar.html

http://www.offtheleash.ca/fishing/

Rainy Day

Hey Abyss,

So as stated in the title; it is a rainy day. Genius title, I know.

I am writing this before I leave to go to yet another jail with the tour. On Monday we went to two jails to show the play and it was surprisingly well received we really affected the inmates and they were genuinely interested in their own way. We had some of these men crying by the end of the show, people who were murderers and sexual offenders were crying at the impact the show had on them.

It is these moments when I know I am doing the right thing. These people walked away affected, changed even the slightest, and that is all I can ever hope to do as an actor. I want my audiences to walk away thinking about new ideas, new outcomes. The opportunity to forge new thoughts in people is just amazing. Luckily  the show is made up of extremely talented people and are able to make this happen. I am so grateful to be a part of such a wonderful project in association with awesome people.

There is only 5 weeks left of the tour and I am both sad and thrilled how fast it is going. I am sad because I love being able to do my art and have people see it and walk away with something they came in without, but I am thrilled because of how we are changing people and provoking new thoughts. It is like when you feel so confident about something that you want as many people to see it and hear what they have to say about it. That is what is happening with this show. I am proud.

I recently auditioned for the movie Blackbird, which I am sure I have talked about before, this was my 5th audition for the director and I am at a loss over how the audition went. I feel like I could have done better, but so does every artist. The director said all good things to me and has seen me 5 times so I feel like there is something that he potentially wants me for. Then again, I cant really say that because some directors are just nice people and want to encourage you as a performer. Then there is the fact that the director is young and this will be his first feature film and he is doubting his casting abilities. However it turns out I hope to at least obtain some kind of role.

Also, there is a television series that is shooting right now in the city where I live and I am hoping to get at least an audition for that once the tour is over.

I forget if I already mentioned this but I am still waiting to hear back from NTS as to whether I have a callback for the school, but I did get placed 4th on the waiting list at Sheridan, which is apparently good. I am still debating on what I want to do, I know that if I somehow miraculously get into NTS then I am definitely going. Sheridan is just a lot of money and the living costs in Toronto are ridiculous, and I wouldn't be able to work on the weekend to make extra money due to the homework load. SoI would be student loans all the way, which is an idea that I am not fond of.

Suggestions?

I have an audition on wednesday for a new show that is being workshopped, and I am submitting for a new musical that is being produced in October. I will tell you how these things go.

Night Abyss

Not only am I Average but I am a Noob, and certainly not a Day Owl

When people call themselves "Night Owls" I always get confused. I have personally used the term myself, which always leads to more confusion due to the fact that I don't understand the term to begin with. Because is there anything but "Night Owls"? I have never heard of "Day Owls". Thus I remain confused and still using the term.  Somehow, I don't think I am the first to use a term that one does not understand. Perhaps I could start implementing the term into my daily vocabulary. "Day Owl". I am certainly not one. It is 3am and I have to work in less than 4 hours, yet here I am creating this Blog.

Today was an interesting day; I went to my day job, which is a mobility provider and proceeded to take care of customers in a timely fashion. Timely being an ironic word due to the fact that I was late, which I can assure you never happens; I am always punctual.  Now, I had received a call from my agent previously this week regarding an audition today. So, pitching the idea of me leaving work for an audition seemed like it was going to be a challenge, considering that I was late. My manager and I have only know each other for a small amount of time due to me being a transfer from my home town 4 months ago. To my surprise the challenge was not really a challenge at all (As you will soon find out that I am a person who considers the worst consequences for situations), my manager let me go and I was able to get to my audition with time to spare.  This audition was for a casting agency who I have auditioned for multiple times, they are currently casting a very popular show. And regardless of my consistency I have yet to garner a role in anything. Needless to say I just keep going back.  I guess my best hope is to finally get into the Union so I am more readily available for film and television work, because without this status you are like a 15 year-old looking for a job with no work experience. Basically someone has to take pity on you and give you a job before you can start racking up the experience. This is my goal for the year, someone to take pity on me like a 15 year-old.  To continue to play on the 15 year-old analogy I sometimes feel like a superhero in a sense: By day, I am your friendly neighborhood mobility Sales Consultant. By night, a wouldbe actor just trying to get noticed, whilst trying to maintain a living and pay the rent on time.

Apparently you are just supposed to write on this thing, so here I am just writing to the abyss. Not knowing if anyone anywhere will ever read this. Hopefully I started it off this relationship well. A relationship that will hopefully last much longer than my past romantic ones.

Goodnight Abyss.