Perspective.

Hey Abyss,

Finally being able to spend some ample time in Toronto was probably the best thing I could have done for myself all summer. Simply walking around and familiarizing myself with the city, as vast as it is, was gratifying.  For some reason, I had fabricated this daunting image of Toronto, I pictured myself drowning in a sea of people and getting locked into a public restroom over night... I concluded that these thoughts were completely irrational as I felt so alive in a city with that much opportunity. There is something beautiful to me about being a stranger in a new place, big or small, I feel like anything and everything can happen. Needless to say, I had a solid week there and had some wonderful experiences with both old and new friends.

I had an absolute blast with the kids in Aladdin Jr. they all did such an amazing job and brought a beautiful energy to the show. They only got to perform it once and I really wish they could have done it again, there is nothing like performing after a successful show. I was extremely proud of the work that we as a team accomplished over those two weeks, they really stepped up and restored my faith that anything is possible with dedication and hard work. Thank you guys :)

While in Toronto I was able to see the Taming of the Shrew at Shakespeare in High Park. I loved it. The set was phenomenal and the cast was really strong and seemed to be having a blast despite the 45 degree heat wave that plagued Toronto for the week. CanadianStage collaborated with the Production grads from York university for the show, which I thought was a brilliant idea and really surged a young and contemporary energy into the piece.

I wish I could have seen MacBeth because a friend of mine was in the lead and it was apparently a very dark rendition of the show (I love dark, and macabre things).  Before I left on Saturday I managed to get rush tickets to the Part One premiere of Angels in America at Soulpepper, which simply blew my mind. The cast was so strong and really made me go, "Oh! those are what good theatre actors are like..." as juvenile and naive as that sounds. Being at a school where we are all training you see several stages of development in performance so it was refreshing to see actors who have been doing this at an extremely professional level for years. It just brought things into perspective for me, as most of the trip did.

I was able to stay with my friend Sébastien Heins and his very gracious family who esentially treated me like their son for the week. I felt so taken care of and informed in all of their hands, I really could not have asked for a better place to stay. I continue to be amazed by the work ethic of Sébastien, he just never seems to stop creatively. I admire this so much because he makes the art that he cares about, and people see this in him and offer him more opportunities to show his skills and talents. It is the creative life in its purest form, constantly producing. I feel that I am still finding out what makes me creatively tick, what makes me excited about acting, what I am looking to accomplish or work towards. And as always those ideas are constantly shifting.

I also got to hang out with my mentor Brendan McMurtry-Howlett who is the Artistic Director of Shakespeare in the Ruff and as always he had some really poignant and blunt answers to all my questions and concerns. I was worried about what was going to happen after I graduate, whether I should head right to Toronto or whether I should stay in Halifax for a year then go to Toronto or all of the other copious amounts of possibilities. His answer was simply to, "Stop planning things out and let them happen." Now, this seems basic but I really needed to hear it from someone other than my mother. That's not to say he is against planning, considering he is an AD, but when it comes to this career there isn't really a way to create a definite path.

This quote comes to mind: "Do what you can, with what you have, right now".

I think there is a large difference between control and organization. I am currently looking for that balance.

Brendan also brought up a point which I hadn't previously thought about: I usually talk, "all about my process" and I have been doing this "process" for many years it has become my fall back plan when working on a show because I feel most comfortable doing it compared to new processes that are introduced to us. This is a bad habit I intend to break this year. Brendan's point was that you shouldn't put your process on a project, but that the project should inform your process. This was huge for me because I have dealt with so much frustration this year regarding directors simply not letting me do "my thing" and it was because they didn't work that way and they didn't care. They were asking something specific from me and I was bucking the system, which resulted in me not rising to the challenge. If I had of simply let myself be open to the process they were showing us I would have learned exponentially more. So, I move forward with this thought in my mind into the new year.

On Monday of this week I went by myself to the Mrs. Carter Tour in Montreal featuring Beyoncé herself. I was blown away by the show and how hard she works at being completely flawless, and I mean that in the best way. Every step was on point, every problem or blip was met with complete confidence and a smile setting us, the audience, at ease. She was so professional and gracious to everyone who helped her put on the show from the technicians to the back up singers. Watching her reminded me of how much work needs to be put into everything before it can be at a place of comfort and flow. There was no hesitation or worry on her face at any point throughout the show, even when her weave got sucked into a fan.

I'm not joking.

Her confidence seems like an obvious thing, "of course she would be confident, she is Sasha Fierce!" But for me seeing her doing a live show, not some edited version, proved to me how little I actually work in preparation for a show. Joe Ziegler's floating head started to incircle mine repeating what he said to me, "You have a lot of talent, but you don't understand the work that it takes to become an actor..."and it finally made sense. Since being at the school I have always, more or less, flown by the seat of my pants when it comes to the lines and homework that is needed on the text. I have managed to get by on looking over the text a few times and running it in rehearsal, but as the roles and responsibilities grow so does my need of dedication.

Now I know most of you are probably thinking, "Wayne, stop beating yourself up! Everyone has to learn!" And I want you to know that's all this post is (as long as it is). I am learning about myself as an artist and a human and I want to progress, and progress happens when you can identify what needs to change. This year, for me, is about listening and changing for the better.

This last month has been extremely cleansing and has shed a lot of light on some of my biggest problems creatively and personally and I am extremely grateful to each an every person who continues to support me as I change for the better.

And speaking of support you can do me a solid by checking out Bone Deep, a film I am in in the Atlantic Film Festival. Directed by the very British Jeremy Webb and written by the delightful Jessica Marsh.

BONE DEEP

Night Abyss.

Summer is Here and I am Inside.

Hey,

Despite the depressing vibe emanating from my entry title; I am very well. I was outside for most of the morning showing a good friend of mine the lay of the land and some of my favourite spots in Montreal. She is here on her "Grad Trip" and wanted to see some of the city, and seeing as it is beautiful out I leapt at the opportunity to show her around!

There is officially one week of school left, and even if I couldn't read a calendar, I can feel it in the air. It's the time of year where things start to pick up and change, the days become longer and productivity seems possible again, because not only do I feel like getting more done but I can be outside doing it! I was talking to a friend of mine last night about how things are changing, because we have come to the end of an era. Most people anticipated that 2012 was the end, and that there wouldn't be anything after that, but thankfully there is and I am so excited to see what the rest of this year brings for me personally and artistically.

I was filling out a form for a scholarship and it asked for the the start and finish dates of the program I intend to use the money for. As I wrote out May 2014 for the end date, it struck me that the end is so close. This part of my life that seemed so far away two summers ago, is one year from now. Life is slowly creeping up, and as much as I don't want to wish away the time, I feel so ready for my final year at NTS.

Last night, I went to see the New Words Festival Shows which are the efforts of all the third year graduates of the Playwriting, Production, Set and Costume Design, and Acting programs and I really enjoyed myself. The first, You Can Do Whatever You Want, was written by Jesse Stong and chronicled the lives of three generations of women in a small town. It was beautiful. I love stories about families and the struggles of reality. The second, Model Wanted, was written by Step Taylor and was so fascinating, I thought each character was deeply interesting and well developed, and the ending left me with this raw exposed nerve feeling that I love having. These experiences made me so excited to see what we will be working with next year.

As time goes on here, I realize how my classmates and I are continually changing and discovering who we are, what we like and don't like and what our futures may hold for us. And since the start of meeting them all I knew our journeys here and in our futures would be so different and I am thrilled to see where we all go after this time together. Life is remarkable and as many struggles that I have had over the last two years, I know that every one of them was necessary for me to be where I am right now. I am slowly discovering clarity over what I want for myself artistically and that is a good feeling.

My summer is shaping up to be quite full of plans and arrangements and I am really excited for the experiences that lie within them. I need to start packing, but it comes down to what do I really need? I really want to indulge in simplicity this summer, and truly live in the present rather than constantly searching for what is coming down the tubes. The more serene my summer is the more time I can dedicate to my work being the best it can be. And really, I would rather it be the best, then be almost the best but then I got distracted with this new project that I really like.

I think that wraps up my thoughts for the day. Bring on the final week.

Jeremy Webb is the meanest director in Halifax (I hope this brings a smile to your face.)

Night Abyss.

Snap Back to Reality.

Hey Abyss,

Many discoveries were made last week. I think the one that had the most impact on me was being put on the spot for not knowing my lines. That seems like a basic thing, an actor knowing their lines, but for some reason I have always struggled with memorizing text. Not a good quality to have in an actor, but it is not the worst thing. I can honestly tell you I have never gone on stage not knowing my lines, I have always managed to get everything down before we open, it just seems to takes me a lot longer than everyone else. Being at NTS has certainly enabled me to get better at locking the words in my brain by offering me a bounty full of approaches to do just that. 

I felt I had been doing well with my text for Midsummer Nights Dream and therefore over the last week, in anticipation for the weekend (which I will get into in a moment) did not do what is necessary for myself for the last part of my text. And, as it should, it came back to bite me. 

A few weeks ago I was offered a lead part in a short film that was being shot in Halifax, by a well known Actor/Director, named Jeremy Webb. His company’s previous film Wake garnered some notable attention in the festival circuit and was being back by CBC, not a bad combo. When the role was offered to me I clarified that the only way I could fly home and do it was to get the permission from my superiors at the school. So, I proceeded that Monday to acquire all the approval I needed, which was graciously given and I agreed to do the short that weekend. The plan was to fly home Thursday night and fly back Monday morning. So I would only miss two days of classes. 

Everything seemed to flow perfectly until Thursday came and I kept flubbing through my lines in the final part of the play. And it was at this time when I was put on the spot, by my director. I had been working extremely hard on my text, but due to the excitement of the weekend I failed to give it the added time I know it needed. This ultimately disappointed him, and made me feel like a complete schmuck, especially considering his generosity. He was harsh and to the point, and it was that snap back to reality that made me realize the lesson; Which was to focus on one thing at a time, and give it 150% of my energy. This problem is something that has been an issue for a while with myself. And I think it took this situation to finally let it sink in. 

Do your best with what you have right now. Then when that is over, focus on the next thing. This is my mantra for the next while until I can calm down and just enjoy what is in front of me rather than worrying about what is coming next. It is difficult, but this is what I want for a career more than anything else, and so I have to let it flow. 

The stress from not knowing my lines and disappointing my director, lead to me heading to the airport 12 hours earlier than my flight was scheduled to leave and left me stranded there for 4 hours until a friend of mine came and picked me up. Again, if I had just read the itinerary of the flight and chilled, instead of thinking how I may have been blacklisted from the class, that would not have happened and I would have been 60 dollars richer. Once, I finally got back to Halifax, everything became clearer and I spent every bit of downtime I had on set memorizing those lines for Monday. I came back yesterday, having done what should have been done and it feels good to be free of that pressure. 

Filming over the weekend was great and reminded me of how much I love film as a medium. The team was wonderful and there was such an artistry behind the whole thing, which made me feel proud to be part of it. The atmosphere on set, even though we were rushed for time, was positive and happy. There was a specific moment I recall on the second day where I was talking to Jessica Marsh over lunch and the crew and other cast members were all playing music and singing together, and it was this moment that encapsulated the whole shoot for me. A bunch of talented people coming together to make art. It was beautiful. And I am extremely grateful to have been part of such a piece. 

The film is called Bone Deep, and if you hit the link you can read more about it. 

We are into tech week right now for MSND, and so I have some things that need to get done tonight before I hit the hay. 

Night Abyss

Back in the Groove

Hey,

Alright so it has been almost a week since I have been home, to be exact 5 days. Most of those days, or rather, all of those days have been spent catching up with my friends and girlfriend who has the patience of Job to deal with me and my radical behaviour.

So now that "vacation" is over it is time to start getting back on the streets and selling myself.

Wow, didn't think that through.

I am in progress of updating all my resume's and photos to bring into my agency tomorrow in attempts to garner at least as much work as last summer. Hopefully more.

I am flat broke this time around and will probably have to cave to working at a gas station or McDonalds, both of which I think would be quite interesting to work at. But enough about my potential unemployment and more about the opportunities that are coming about!

I have probably already mentioned my involvement in a festival created my one of my fellow NTS'rs, Sebastien Heins, who graduated earlier this month. He and I as well as 4 other performers are showing our talents in a two hour evening on the 27th at 8pm at the Bus Stop Theatre in Halifax. I am stoked for this show because it will be the first time I have performed my Vocal Masque outside of school and I also get to meet a lot of cool people, which is always a bonus.

After this I, potentially, have a gig on June 4th, which is an evening of short plays and I have been tentatively cast in this as well! So some good coverage coming up, but no monies.

So here is hoping that I can get some film work ASAP. For my cats sake.

Also, my girlfriend and I went to see "Fishing' by Jeremy Webb and Stacy Smith. It was awesome if you have the chance to see it, do it.

Just a short one tonight, but I will keep you posted. Check out my twitter and IMDB!

Night Abyss.

http://www.thebusstoptheatre.org/calendar.html

http://www.offtheleash.ca/fishing/