evolve.

Hey Abyss,

I just got back from Guysborough and teaching at Mulgrave Road Theatre's Drama Camp. I always forget how peaceful it is there. Everything is so calm and serene, it is quite relaxing and I loved the moments when I would just watch the water move the docked boats around on the marina. Simplicity is slowly becoming soothing for me.

I am in Truro, now, for three weeks to teach at the Marigold Centre and also spend some much needed time with my friends and family. I have really missed them over the last few months. Teaching at the Marigold is one of my favourite parts of the summer because it brings me back to my home town and I have been teaching most of the kids for the last couple years. Being able to see them grow both physically and artistically is always a joy.

And...tangent.

I have been thinking a lot about artistry, and what mine could potentially be, especially as I am coming to the end of my educational career (for now). I suppose what I am trying to figure out is what my voice is. What do I want to say? How do I want to affect people, what projects specifically interest me, rather than leaping at every opportunity that comes forward? Perhaps I am not at the point where I can choose what things to be involved in, perhaps I need to be exposed to more projects and people before I can start to define my vision. And that, of course, brings up the idea of, "Do I really need to define myself, can't I just keep doing what I'm doing?"

I was given a book, called Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon, by my friend Sebastien Heins before I left Toronto a few weeks ago. Although it's a small book, it really got me thinking about what I want to do as an actor. Do I want to just keep auditioning for everything and never form a true artistic vision for myself? Or do I wait to have an artistry before I choose my next project?  The book did not answer any of these questions specifically, but the book did bring up the point of nothing being original, everything is inspired by something. And if something is said to be truly original "then they are not citing the inspirations properly". I like this idea, it takes off the pressure of having to be "different" or "original". See, as artists we gather inspiration from other mediums and it is the combination of the mediums that make something "original" or "different".

This idea makes me feel a lot less intimidated.

I have to make the art that I don't see, by combining the things I love and putting them into the world. I feel like success comes from when a particular combination of artistries connect with the public, or the audience. When I think about all the extremely influential artists to myself, either famous or not, most have a pretty defined artistry.

Because I have been on a Beyoncé jag for the last two months, Imma just keep goin'. Beyoncé, in my opinion, is an artist. Her music, as I have said, isn't that deep. Lyrically its very simple and usually about loving someone, leaving someone, being a strong woman or impressing YO' MAN. But the brand that she has created for herself has been, frankly, making her iconic. People just respect her, they know how hard she works, they see her dedication and her vocal abilities. Most people aren't even die hard fans, they just know what she monopolizes and no one else can touch it.

Cause she da QUEEN.

But in all seriousness, most of the artists that have or are leaving an impact on the world have specialized in something specific that we (the people) haven't seen before. But this is because they are combining different combinations of mediums and showing them to us in a new and original way.

So, conclusively I think I need to do just this. And on that journey for the bait I think I will discover what my artistry is and what I want to say.

I just finished reading the first show we are doing this year, Lion in the Streets by Judith Thompson, and I so stoked to see how Ravi Jain makes it come alive!

It has also come about recently that All the Wrong Reasons will be playing at TIFF 2013! For those of you keeping track this is the second film I have been part of that is an official selection at TIFF; pretty exciting.



Night Abyss!

Perspective.

Hey Abyss,

Finally being able to spend some ample time in Toronto was probably the best thing I could have done for myself all summer. Simply walking around and familiarizing myself with the city, as vast as it is, was gratifying.  For some reason, I had fabricated this daunting image of Toronto, I pictured myself drowning in a sea of people and getting locked into a public restroom over night... I concluded that these thoughts were completely irrational as I felt so alive in a city with that much opportunity. There is something beautiful to me about being a stranger in a new place, big or small, I feel like anything and everything can happen. Needless to say, I had a solid week there and had some wonderful experiences with both old and new friends.

I had an absolute blast with the kids in Aladdin Jr. they all did such an amazing job and brought a beautiful energy to the show. They only got to perform it once and I really wish they could have done it again, there is nothing like performing after a successful show. I was extremely proud of the work that we as a team accomplished over those two weeks, they really stepped up and restored my faith that anything is possible with dedication and hard work. Thank you guys :)

While in Toronto I was able to see the Taming of the Shrew at Shakespeare in High Park. I loved it. The set was phenomenal and the cast was really strong and seemed to be having a blast despite the 45 degree heat wave that plagued Toronto for the week. CanadianStage collaborated with the Production grads from York university for the show, which I thought was a brilliant idea and really surged a young and contemporary energy into the piece.

I wish I could have seen MacBeth because a friend of mine was in the lead and it was apparently a very dark rendition of the show (I love dark, and macabre things).  Before I left on Saturday I managed to get rush tickets to the Part One premiere of Angels in America at Soulpepper, which simply blew my mind. The cast was so strong and really made me go, "Oh! those are what good theatre actors are like..." as juvenile and naive as that sounds. Being at a school where we are all training you see several stages of development in performance so it was refreshing to see actors who have been doing this at an extremely professional level for years. It just brought things into perspective for me, as most of the trip did.

I was able to stay with my friend Sébastien Heins and his very gracious family who esentially treated me like their son for the week. I felt so taken care of and informed in all of their hands, I really could not have asked for a better place to stay. I continue to be amazed by the work ethic of Sébastien, he just never seems to stop creatively. I admire this so much because he makes the art that he cares about, and people see this in him and offer him more opportunities to show his skills and talents. It is the creative life in its purest form, constantly producing. I feel that I am still finding out what makes me creatively tick, what makes me excited about acting, what I am looking to accomplish or work towards. And as always those ideas are constantly shifting.

I also got to hang out with my mentor Brendan McMurtry-Howlett who is the Artistic Director of Shakespeare in the Ruff and as always he had some really poignant and blunt answers to all my questions and concerns. I was worried about what was going to happen after I graduate, whether I should head right to Toronto or whether I should stay in Halifax for a year then go to Toronto or all of the other copious amounts of possibilities. His answer was simply to, "Stop planning things out and let them happen." Now, this seems basic but I really needed to hear it from someone other than my mother. That's not to say he is against planning, considering he is an AD, but when it comes to this career there isn't really a way to create a definite path.

This quote comes to mind: "Do what you can, with what you have, right now".

I think there is a large difference between control and organization. I am currently looking for that balance.

Brendan also brought up a point which I hadn't previously thought about: I usually talk, "all about my process" and I have been doing this "process" for many years it has become my fall back plan when working on a show because I feel most comfortable doing it compared to new processes that are introduced to us. This is a bad habit I intend to break this year. Brendan's point was that you shouldn't put your process on a project, but that the project should inform your process. This was huge for me because I have dealt with so much frustration this year regarding directors simply not letting me do "my thing" and it was because they didn't work that way and they didn't care. They were asking something specific from me and I was bucking the system, which resulted in me not rising to the challenge. If I had of simply let myself be open to the process they were showing us I would have learned exponentially more. So, I move forward with this thought in my mind into the new year.

On Monday of this week I went by myself to the Mrs. Carter Tour in Montreal featuring Beyoncé herself. I was blown away by the show and how hard she works at being completely flawless, and I mean that in the best way. Every step was on point, every problem or blip was met with complete confidence and a smile setting us, the audience, at ease. She was so professional and gracious to everyone who helped her put on the show from the technicians to the back up singers. Watching her reminded me of how much work needs to be put into everything before it can be at a place of comfort and flow. There was no hesitation or worry on her face at any point throughout the show, even when her weave got sucked into a fan.

I'm not joking.

Her confidence seems like an obvious thing, "of course she would be confident, she is Sasha Fierce!" But for me seeing her doing a live show, not some edited version, proved to me how little I actually work in preparation for a show. Joe Ziegler's floating head started to incircle mine repeating what he said to me, "You have a lot of talent, but you don't understand the work that it takes to become an actor..."and it finally made sense. Since being at the school I have always, more or less, flown by the seat of my pants when it comes to the lines and homework that is needed on the text. I have managed to get by on looking over the text a few times and running it in rehearsal, but as the roles and responsibilities grow so does my need of dedication.

Now I know most of you are probably thinking, "Wayne, stop beating yourself up! Everyone has to learn!" And I want you to know that's all this post is (as long as it is). I am learning about myself as an artist and a human and I want to progress, and progress happens when you can identify what needs to change. This year, for me, is about listening and changing for the better.

This last month has been extremely cleansing and has shed a lot of light on some of my biggest problems creatively and personally and I am extremely grateful to each an every person who continues to support me as I change for the better.

And speaking of support you can do me a solid by checking out Bone Deep, a film I am in in the Atlantic Film Festival. Directed by the very British Jeremy Webb and written by the delightful Jessica Marsh.

BONE DEEP

Night Abyss.

Cleanse.

Hey Abyss,

I finished my first full week of the camp I am directing/teaching at this Friday, leaving me with one left. I will be heading back to Montreal and then busing straight to Toronto for a week before seeing Beyoncé and flying back to Nova Scotia on the 23rd.

I am commuting so much in the next few months and although I am happy to be doing all that I am this summer, there is a part of me that wishes that I could be home with my family and friends. The older I get the more important they are to me. And this year is going to be the hardest for me, as far as seeing people goes. There is no sense dwelling on it though, because after this year I am a graduate!

Every so often I come to the conclusion that I always work better under pressure. For the earlier part of the summer I had so much time to do whatever I wanted that I didn't dedicate anytime to anything, other than going to the gym. Now, I am super busy and I have found copious amounts of time to read! I don't usually like reading, this is mostly because I only like specific things, but recently I have been reading a lot of nutrition based literature and have completely fell in love. I am zooming through, and really learning about people and the supposed lifestyles we think are convenient.

Upon reading these books, I find myself coming to the question of: If actors work so hard on being physically and mentally healthy why don't actors take care of themselves nutritionally? I ask this because I have seen so many of my classmates become ill or suffer from physical issues that could all be resolved from having a better diet and lifestyle. This includes myself. It's not just about being flexible and speaking loudly, its about having the body that enables these attributes. If one isn't giving the body what it needs nutritionally then how does one expect it to live up to the energy requirements ones needs to be an actor?

I found I struggled a lot this year with the physical side of things, not because I didn't understand it's benefit but because I still felt like shit afterwards. So, in my mind it wasn't actually helping. Sure, I could touch my toes easier at the end of the year but I was still exhausted and lethargic so even if I was technically stretchy I wasn't able to bring the energy that was needed to class. And I know that I was not the only person in my class to feel this way.

Conclusively, I am starting from scratch! (Once I get settled back in Nova Scotia, because the next few weeks are way to insane) I am going to cleanse my body on a cellular level and then start to develop my body both mentally and physically to that of what I imagine a well oiled actor should be. I remember in first year we had this very gruff, physical teacher who was extremely blunt about getting our bodies to peak condition. He said that the actor should be like the athlete, our bodies should be able to do whatever is needed at any time. This has really resonated with me over the last few days while I have been reading.

To me acting is not imitation or learning lines quickly, it is truly becoming someone. A physical representation of a person. This requires truly athletic impulses and actions. To be able to hold positions for extend periods of time, to be able to project is strange and unforgiving actions, to carry weight and maintain balance. All of these qualities not only require physical but mental and nutritional strength, if you are missing one piece of the puzzle you will cause damage. Athletes eat certain foods and do specific training to power the way they have to move and react. Why is this any different for actors? This is the question I am asking myself, and truly want to experiment with this year.

Conveniently, when one stabilizes the body chemically and hormonally every aspect of oneself begins to improve. All of these issues that I prattle on about (Listening, focus, work, etc..) will all start to file into place once I get my body to where it should be. So, ultimately this is my goal, all of the other minor ones will fall into place once this level is achieved. Now, this blog is specifically about acting, but this rule can be applied to anyone. Everything in your life will become better and more efficient if you start with your body. The sad thing is that today people feel they don't have the time to dedicate to their health, when they do. We all do.

And I intend to be living proof.

Night Abyss.

Work it Out.

Hey,

I am sitting here watching the opening to Beyoncé's I Am...World Tour and am just speechless. One because I am going to be seeing The Mrs. Carter World Tour in less than a month and two I am continually in awe of the dedication to her work. Over the past few months, I have watched her HBO special Life is but a Dream a few times and was continually blown away by her work ethic and sheer perfectionism in her performances.

Now, some of you are probably wondering; "Whoa whats with the Beyoncé kick?"

I am gettin' to it.

She gives herself over to everything that she does, every fibre of her being is left out on that stage after she does a show. You may be saying, "Uh...Yeah, that's her job isn't it. To entertain?" And I would reply, "Yes. It is." In my opinion she is one of the best performers of our generation, lyrically her songs aren't the deepest, and are usually about having sex with Jay Z, but it is her showmanship that makes her tours and live performances what they are. She will spend hours in the studio perfecting every dance move to the point where she outdoes her own dancers, and I know she is no skipper on the vocal side either. When she locks into Sasha Fierce, she just is.

I know my enthusiasm is probably freaking some of you out, but there is a point to this fangirl-ing.

The reason I am prattling on about Beyoncé is rather anecdotal. I have been thinking a lot, as I tend to do, and have started to pin point the issues I have with my work. And as I have talked about before, this year for me is about unlocking and putting into practice the things that I suck at, which to me is this "work" I have identified.

I pride myself in my ability to connect with people, both socially and via social networking. I try to go to as many shows/events as possible in an attempt to foster professional relationships with my fellow artists. I like meeting new people who are in the same boat as I am, we can help each other, teach each other. I find it is an invaluable skill to be able to connect with people in a way that isn't aggressive or invasive but complimentary.  I am also a very curious person, so I ask a lot of questions (sometimes to a fault). This natural curiosity that I have enables me to find enjoyment in researching a new script, finding different takes on the story, bringing in evidence, comparing, discussing, learning, and ultimately building a character from the ground up, which is my passion and what I have been doing for as long as I can remember.

I am good at it, they are the things that I love about acting, why I got into this gig in the first place.

What needs an overhaul is my ability to dedicate myself to simple things like reading the script and memorizing it. I find I will distract myself with trivial actions, like continued research or checking facebook for the millionth time that I don't spend time with the words and the story. I tend to brush it off by telling myself that I will memorize in rehearsal, or after simply reading the script once "I get the story". This attitude is so crippling to any performer and something that will ruin me if I can't integrate it into my rather stiff process.

Another example: I saw a show at the Ottawa Fringe the other day that was basically a guitarist who imitated other guitarists that he liked. Very simple concept. He was a brilliant player. At one point in the show he talked about one of his idols practicing for 5-9 hours every day, and this just hit me. Obviously I have heard of people practicing for insane hours every day before, but at this particular moment it made sense to me that the performers I look up to all dedicate immense amounts of hours to rehearsing and creating. And this is the "work" I am in pursuit of.

One of my teachers this year said that I didn't understand the amount of work that is required of me to be an actor. I know this isn't entirely true because I have a lot to offer, but they were right in the sense that I tend to avoid the things that actually need my attention, I convince myself that I am working when clearly I am not. Conclusively; If acting and performing is truly something that I want and cannot live without then I must do anything and everything in my power to make it a realty.

Perfection comes from practise and the only way that this will work is if I dedicate all of my time to making myself better and stronger. Physically, verbally, and mindfully. I have always fell back on the things I am good at rather than seeking the things I am not so good at, and now I have to step up and take what has been offered to me. I have to be honest with myself and LISTEN to what I need to do. I can't keep sliding through on my talent, I have to fight to have a place in this world.

I will now leave you with one of my favourite Beyoncé songs:

 

Night Abyss.

Jet Setting.

Hey Abyss,

Just got back from the auditions for Aladdin Jr. being put on through Stabback Music Studio; the company I am working for over the next three weeks. It was great to be in the room with a slew of new kids and the different energies they bring. I have been feeling quite exhausted and lethargic over the last few days because of all the travelling I have been doing. I flew from Halifax to Montreal yesterday and had to race to my apartment and switch bags before catching the bus to Ottawa. I didn't get in until 11:30pm, which doesn't seem late but since I have been commuting for the last fews days it has started to take its toll on me physically.

Despite me complaining about my sore butt, I am stoked for the next few weeks. I have two of them to direct a full musical production, which is a challenge I have gladly accepted. The last time I directed this particular show was at Truro Junior High School and we had about 4 months... Needless to say, this will be exponentially different. It is a great team of people though so I have no doubts we can pull it off and make sure the kids get the most out their time with us.

These next two months are going to be extremely busy for me, but with all the downtime I have accumulated since May I figure it will be a good balance for my last summer. It is so much healthier for me to be constantly doing things. The most exciting part about this summer is that I am spending a lot of time in places that I have either never been or haven't been in a while, and I am all about new experiences. After I finish up here in Ottawa I am spending sometime in Toronto getting to know the city and hanging out with new and old friends. Then before I return home to Nova Scotia I am seeing Beyoncé live in concert on the Mrs. Carter World Tour in Montreal.

Pretty Solid.

The Ottawa Fringe is this week and I am going to try my best to see as many things as possible. There is a lot of compelling work in the line up and I haven't been to a Fringe Festival in a while, so where better to start then where I am located! My friend, who is ironically from Ottawa, is currently in Calgary performing in the show Girls, Girls, Girls! with Major Matt Mason Collective (despite all the flooding) and when she returns we have plans to put together a double bill of our Solo Shows here. I am looking forward to performing it again for a completely different community.

The more I can do it the better.

On that note: most of my class, this summer, have also performed their Solo Show more than once. It is such a great feeling to have a piece of theatre that you can just whip out and is only 15 minutes long. Truly a wonderful project, and my class put together some amazing work.

I had coffee with Jonathan Torrens on Friday morning and he had some really great advice for me as a performer from the Maritimes. He is a stand up guy and I am grateful he could take the time to hang out with me for a bit. I love being able to talk to other artists and hear their stories and successes, it makes my dreams obtainable.

As time goes on I find myself continually coming to conclusions about myself and my goals as a developing artist and I feel blessed to be surrounded by people who continue to guide me in the right direction. As many struggles and hardships I run into, there is always a lesson to be learned. I am really excited about my third and final year and what lies in store for myself and my classmates. It's been quite the journey so far.

Night Abyss.

Oatmeal Cookies and Almond Milk?

Hey Abyss,

Today was the end of the second week of rehearsals for The Seagull that Tanja Jacobs is directing for our first studio performance at The National Theatre School of Canada. It is still a text exploration and not as high tech as the third year shows are, but it is exciting knowing that we are working towards a show that is open to the public! We are performing the last week of February, right before March Break.

The contrast of how slow and fast the weeks go by never ceases to amaze me.

Yet the cold winds never stop blowing. Montreal weather is the pits.

Rehearsal is going well, it has been a very active week which was a nice change from all the table work we had been doing. It is true what Tanja said though," We will know the play much better after spending so much time excavating it".  We have been delving into a lot more character work this week which is my preferred area and I have been throughly enjoying discovering who these people are beyond what is written.

My favourite part of putting a show together is getting acquainted with all the new people we are playing. It's like going to a party, for lack of a better analogy. I love the transformation that happens over the course of rehearsal. Or in any process for that matter. I absolutely adore the aspect of sinking into a character and becoming one unified mass. It teaches me so much about myself, not just as an artist and my range as an actor (when I do it well), but as a person and what my facets are in my waking life. I always find the process of character development very informative.

So needles to say, this week has been fun.

I bought a ticket to the Mrs. Carter World Tour (http://www.beyonce.com/tour-dates) today, which will be taking place in July here in Montreal and I am stoked. I am going by myself, but am not worried because I can guarantee that I will not be the only one having a good time. Seeing Beyonce and Prince live are two of the things I need to do before I die. I am scratching this concert off my bucket list and also cannot delve into any extracurricular expenses for the next 5 months, which includes any food but rice and beans.

Sacrifices.

I am teaching in Ottawa this summer as well as my home town, and so there will be much travelling. I hope that I can book some work in Halifax this summer so that I am not completely broke for the first two months of the summer break. That is all very far in the future now, so it is best not worry about it. I have a good feeling about how this year is turning out and cannot wait to see what unfolds for me as a student, and performer in the next little bit.

I feel very blessed.

I am now going to watch Mad Men and read from The Art of Manliness book and teach myself how to bring the classy back.

Night Abyss