Evaluation.

Hey Abyss,

This week has happened.

I head to Ottawa in 9 days and I feel like I don't know where the time has gone. It hasn't really hit me until this year; time just escapes when you aren't looking. I am preparing for the second stage of my summer which is going to consist of a lot of plane rides, directing, performing, meeting new people, exploring, watching Beyoncé and of course teaching. Basically in that order. The first part of the summer was supposed to be "down time" time to recollect on what has happened to me this term and how I can improve going into this year. Although I have done some recollection, I feel like most of the things I have been grappling with are going to fall into place once I am utilizing them all again.

It is so scary how quickly I can become lazy and abandon the practice they teach us at NTS, now this of course is due to a compilation of things; me being tired, lazy, wanting to escape...and so on. Lately my body has been giving me signs that is misses the schedules and the regulation. It craves the stretching and the warming up, despite how much I loathe them. I feel like this is part of the process though, if you continue to work on the things you hate eventually they become things you enjoy. The hardest part of this cycle is not just running away, but sticking with it, as hard as it is. Believing in the system.

The biggest challenge for me as a person/actor is listening. Frankly, I just don't do it. And by listening I mean all aspects: scene partners, myself, situations... I spent the weekend with one of my very close friends at my cottage which has no running water or electricity. All we had was a wood stove, a propane light, and clean water in a Gatorade cooler. The place is the epitome of serene. There was a moment, one evening, where he was very quiet and I asked him what he was thinking about, and he replied that he was purely listening. I asked him, "To what specifically" and he said, "All of the sounds. And each of them individually. The wood stove, the light, the clock, the ocean.." With that, I laid my head back on my chair and started to just listen for the sounds he mentioned. Almost instantly my mind cleared, like someone had taken a chalkboard eraser to my mind. It was peaceful, finally.

All year my teachers, my family, and my psychologist have all repeated the same things to me; LISTEN! And it took my closest friend in my cottage to actually let that hit for me. It was a revelation. If one can listen without judgement, to all things, then one can exist authentically. Everything that pours out of them is truth. There is no indulging, no pretending, just living. This word is my word for life, whenever I feel overwhelmed or chaotic, I have to take the time to simply listen.

I watched Inside the Actors Studio yesterday and it featured the cast of Mad Men. It was a great episode, all of those actors have come from such diverse backgrounds and have had extremely different routes to the show, it was inspiring. The one thing that stuck with me the most was Jon Hamm's response to a girls question from the audience. She asked him about how much rehearsal they get before shooting a scene. And he replied, "None. You are expected to come onto set knowing your lines and having done your research. You are coming into a well oiled machine and if you junk it up with tripping over your lines then you are replaced." He was talking about TV, but I think the rule applies to all mediums of acting. His frank statement really drove home what happened to me earlier this year in Snap Back to Reality, also this quote by Tom Hardy has resonated with me the last few days:

''Surviving is one thing. You can get through, you can white-knuckle. You can do the bare minimum. But there comes a time when life stops rewarding potential. If you want to participate on a certain level in anything, you cannot just turn up and be respected." 

These instances have really impacted me, and how I need to change up my approach. The things that have been working for me over the last 22 years are not going to work forever it is time to reevaluate.

On a lighter note I had an audition yesterday with a very nice girl. I felt okay about it, but who knows what will come of it. And Blackbird opened on over 50 screens in France yesterday!

I feel truly blessed to have the amount of support I do, thank you to all the readers for letting me unload my brain and evaluate myself in front of you. This blog is coming up on is 3rd year anniversary!

Night Abyss.

Oatmeal Cookies and Almond Milk?

Hey Abyss,

Today was the end of the second week of rehearsals for The Seagull that Tanja Jacobs is directing for our first studio performance at The National Theatre School of Canada. It is still a text exploration and not as high tech as the third year shows are, but it is exciting knowing that we are working towards a show that is open to the public! We are performing the last week of February, right before March Break.

The contrast of how slow and fast the weeks go by never ceases to amaze me.

Yet the cold winds never stop blowing. Montreal weather is the pits.

Rehearsal is going well, it has been a very active week which was a nice change from all the table work we had been doing. It is true what Tanja said though," We will know the play much better after spending so much time excavating it".  We have been delving into a lot more character work this week which is my preferred area and I have been throughly enjoying discovering who these people are beyond what is written.

My favourite part of putting a show together is getting acquainted with all the new people we are playing. It's like going to a party, for lack of a better analogy. I love the transformation that happens over the course of rehearsal. Or in any process for that matter. I absolutely adore the aspect of sinking into a character and becoming one unified mass. It teaches me so much about myself, not just as an artist and my range as an actor (when I do it well), but as a person and what my facets are in my waking life. I always find the process of character development very informative.

So needles to say, this week has been fun.

I bought a ticket to the Mrs. Carter World Tour (http://www.beyonce.com/tour-dates) today, which will be taking place in July here in Montreal and I am stoked. I am going by myself, but am not worried because I can guarantee that I will not be the only one having a good time. Seeing Beyonce and Prince live are two of the things I need to do before I die. I am scratching this concert off my bucket list and also cannot delve into any extracurricular expenses for the next 5 months, which includes any food but rice and beans.

Sacrifices.

I am teaching in Ottawa this summer as well as my home town, and so there will be much travelling. I hope that I can book some work in Halifax this summer so that I am not completely broke for the first two months of the summer break. That is all very far in the future now, so it is best not worry about it. I have a good feeling about how this year is turning out and cannot wait to see what unfolds for me as a student, and performer in the next little bit.

I feel very blessed.

I am now going to watch Mad Men and read from The Art of Manliness book and teach myself how to bring the classy back.

Night Abyss

Forward into the New Year!

Hey Abyss,

I am back from a wonderful and much needed vacation. I learned to never underestimate the feeling of simplicity.

If there was one thing that I am coming back with from my break it is that.

I am normally a pretty self-stressed person and find that I usually pass by the things that I truly enjoy for things that I think need to be done, such as watching a TV show or listening to an album that makes me happy. Speaking of TV shows I am currently watching American Horror Story: Asylum and Mad Men.

I received the first season of Mad Men for Christmas and am throughly enjoying it, which doesn't come as much of a surprise since 3.54 million viewers also share that opinion.

School starts back up on the 8th, but I am presenting some more work on my Solo Show on the 6th to Adam Lazarus and Jodi Essery. I am looking forward to making some more headway with the character I am working on. So far most of my "work" on the piece has been character development, specifically over the last few days. I have spent way too much money on it so far, so here is hoping that something good comes out of our meeting on Sunday.

Other than research and watching TV, not a whole lot has happened since my return to Montreal.

But there is nothing wrong with that.

I am looking forward to what lies ahead for me in 2013. I feel truly blessed for the amazing year that was 2012. My family and friends have honestly been a wonderful source of support throughout the year.

Over the break I had the opportunity to go back to my high school and talk to some of the students in Grade 11 Drama, it was a really wonderful experience to see the desire in some of their faces. I hope that I was able to provide them with valuable information. I really wanted to encourage them to do what they loved and not be trapped in the walls of the small town that we come from. My home town is what is making me the artist that I am becoming, but it is easy to get trapped there and not look outward for the things you love.

I have a few resolutions for myself this year, and I want to work hard on making them a reality rather than another list that is shoved to the back of a desk drawer. I am also going to work really hard this semester on cementing a process for myself with script work. I feel as an artist the process is continually changing, but I want to have some staple things that I always do with the script I am working on at the time.

When we get back we are working for three weeks with Lazlo Martin on Three Sisters, specifically working particular scenes from the play rather than the whole piece. Then we head into rehearsal for The Seagull with Tanja Jacobs. I have been cast as Shamraev (for those of you who know the play that will mean something haha), it is a smaller role but I plan to make the best of it. I am looking forward to being in rehearsal again. I like the process of working towards a larger product.

Anyway, it is getting late so I am heading to bed.

Night Abyss.