The Beginning of the End (It's a Long One).

Hey Abyss,

I apologize for the lack of posts recently, honestly this is the first day that I have had to myself since I came back from Christmas Break. A lot has happened, and I am continuing to make discoveries everyday. I'm gonna be honest; this post, if you have yet to see the length, is a long one.

When I arrived back in Montreal, I went to see a show called Iceland written by Nicolas Billon and Directed by Ravi Jain (who directed me in Lion in the Streets earlier this year). I was blown away by the simplicity of the show, which consisted of minimal lights and sound, three chairs and three actors with perfect costumes. There was something so beautiful about the three of them just telling the same story from their different points of view. After the show finished, I walked away so full. It has been such a long time since I have left a theatre production wanting to tell every person I see about it. All aspects were so on point, I was mesmerized by everything. Seeing this show also made me think about my own work and how things do not need to be complicated to tell a good story, in fact if one has a good story to tell one doesn't need all the tricks to keep people interested. The actors were so comfortable and real I honestly just wanted to spend all night with them, regardless of their personalities.

Seeing this was a perfect way to start the beginning of the end. Classes started the following day and there was an energy about my class that I have been looking forward to for a long time. There was a calmness about walking into movement class that monday morning. I have spent three years with these people, they have seen me at my best and worst, and likewise I have seen them. Everything we do from now until the end of the year is the last time we do it, and I really want to make sure that I am making the most of everything. I feel confident about my place in the class and I am tired of wasting energy on keeping up appearances with my classmates. I am in a very "take it or leave it" state right now and I just want to focus, and have fun these few months.

Our first project of the term was preparing for our Theatre Ontario showcase, which happened in Toronto at the Young Centre a few weeks ago. Essentially, it's a showcase for all the graduating acting students from theatre schools in and around Toronto. We all perform pieces for some of the top agencies, artistic directors and casting directors in the country, and we hope that they will take interest in us an give us a job. Afterwards, some students are contacted and others aren't. With over 350 students performing in two days, it would be difficult to remember who is who. I had an awesome time and met a lot of really cool people, but the project for me was ultimately about working with our two awesome coaches (Brendan Healy and Ian Watson) on monologue prep.

Working on monologues with Brendan and Ian was so liberating, and really brought me back to the fundamentals of acting. This year for me, so far, has been all about application. I have been exposed to so many ways into the work and now the people that are being brought in are helping us to apply our tools in the most effective and result oriented ways. Learning how to choose a monologue is so essential and I feel like after working with these two for two weeks I have a lot more confidence in what pieces can show me well and how to build a little portfolio of pieces.

While in Toronto, we auditioned for Paul Gross and Deirdre Bowen for an upcoming short film that Paul will be directing us in. It was such an awesome experience to meet Deirdre as she is one of the top casting directors in Canada. She was so candid and honest with us about what she expects and looks for. There was something so beautiful about her describing her job as "a storyteller" she is constantly looking for the person best suited to "Tell the Story". This example really cemented for me that getting a no is not a rejection of who I am, but that I am not the person who is meant to tell this story. The whole weekend was such a whirlwind and I saw and met so many people, I was in a state of euphoria and it made me even hungrier to get to Toronto and hit the ground running.

Upon our return, we started rehearsal for The Changeling, a Jacobean tragedy, which is being directed by the legendary David Latham; who I can honestly say is a theatre god. He has such a huge capacity for language, teaching and is remarkably specific. I have been waiting all year to work with him, and honestly (being three weeks in) I'm getting my money's worth. I was given an extremely difficult character, in my opinion, and David is constantly pushing me further and further into the creation and specificity of this man who is rather repugnant and without morals, who I am slowly learning how to love.

In the last few weeks I have had some really hard days; I have gotten frustrated, panicked, come home exhausted, needing to cry, cried, felt like no one understood me, felt that everyone else was clearing having an easier, less intense time, got angry at my cats for existing, spent hours memorizing, and re-reading my scenes, breathed and realized that this is what I love more than anything.  And it dawned on me; THIS is acting!  No one ever said that is was going to be easy, it should be a challenge. I am striving to become another person for a moment in time, all of their lives up to that point I must feel in my bones, everything they say has to come from my mouth and mind. I have to be truthful and honest for them to have life.  There will be internal and moral conflict, there will be artistic blocks and lack of creativity, but I have to know that this is the work and to allow myself to fail and try again. To prove the I am capable, but know that I am not perfect and will struggle, ideally.

And I think this is where my biggest problem lies; most of the time I have been able to rest on my laurels and "get by". People will laugh and enjoy my performance, the emphasis on perform, but have never allowed myself to fully explore the inner being of my characters, specifically at the school. Perhaps because I was stubborn and just wanted to do what I knew I could do, which is perform, but as this is an acting school at some point I had to act. To be honest, I want to be an actor, not just a performer, so I am not looking at any of this as a bad thing, instead I am seeing it as growth and becoming more confident in my abilities. My talent has always been there, its truly just specializing it.

Working with David, Brendan and Ian has forced me to work harder than I have in years, by way of actually consuming the text on a regular basis and weaving it into my whole being. For such a long time I have attempted to "put a character on" but when I actually invest in what the text is telling me about said character and make the focus about looking inward and revealing them and myself, things end up being so much more connected, deeper and truthful. That is how I can honestly bring someone to life, and also discover the many facets of myself.

Although this character is very dark and demented, I have confidence that in the next few weeks I will fall in love with him and I will eventually find the release in being him. I cannot think of a better combination of things right now in my education, I feel so heavy and it is a good thing. I am understanding what it is like to be in process and allow myself to just keep swinging until I break down the glass barrier between me and the character.

Life is good. I love being an artist, and all that I have control over is the ability to keep making good work and surround myself with people who are positive and push me to do great things.

Check out my little demo reel ---> Click Here.

Night Abyss.

Perspective.

Hey Abyss,

Finally being able to spend some ample time in Toronto was probably the best thing I could have done for myself all summer. Simply walking around and familiarizing myself with the city, as vast as it is, was gratifying.  For some reason, I had fabricated this daunting image of Toronto, I pictured myself drowning in a sea of people and getting locked into a public restroom over night... I concluded that these thoughts were completely irrational as I felt so alive in a city with that much opportunity. There is something beautiful to me about being a stranger in a new place, big or small, I feel like anything and everything can happen. Needless to say, I had a solid week there and had some wonderful experiences with both old and new friends.

I had an absolute blast with the kids in Aladdin Jr. they all did such an amazing job and brought a beautiful energy to the show. They only got to perform it once and I really wish they could have done it again, there is nothing like performing after a successful show. I was extremely proud of the work that we as a team accomplished over those two weeks, they really stepped up and restored my faith that anything is possible with dedication and hard work. Thank you guys :)

While in Toronto I was able to see the Taming of the Shrew at Shakespeare in High Park. I loved it. The set was phenomenal and the cast was really strong and seemed to be having a blast despite the 45 degree heat wave that plagued Toronto for the week. CanadianStage collaborated with the Production grads from York university for the show, which I thought was a brilliant idea and really surged a young and contemporary energy into the piece.

I wish I could have seen MacBeth because a friend of mine was in the lead and it was apparently a very dark rendition of the show (I love dark, and macabre things).  Before I left on Saturday I managed to get rush tickets to the Part One premiere of Angels in America at Soulpepper, which simply blew my mind. The cast was so strong and really made me go, "Oh! those are what good theatre actors are like..." as juvenile and naive as that sounds. Being at a school where we are all training you see several stages of development in performance so it was refreshing to see actors who have been doing this at an extremely professional level for years. It just brought things into perspective for me, as most of the trip did.

I was able to stay with my friend Sébastien Heins and his very gracious family who esentially treated me like their son for the week. I felt so taken care of and informed in all of their hands, I really could not have asked for a better place to stay. I continue to be amazed by the work ethic of Sébastien, he just never seems to stop creatively. I admire this so much because he makes the art that he cares about, and people see this in him and offer him more opportunities to show his skills and talents. It is the creative life in its purest form, constantly producing. I feel that I am still finding out what makes me creatively tick, what makes me excited about acting, what I am looking to accomplish or work towards. And as always those ideas are constantly shifting.

I also got to hang out with my mentor Brendan McMurtry-Howlett who is the Artistic Director of Shakespeare in the Ruff and as always he had some really poignant and blunt answers to all my questions and concerns. I was worried about what was going to happen after I graduate, whether I should head right to Toronto or whether I should stay in Halifax for a year then go to Toronto or all of the other copious amounts of possibilities. His answer was simply to, "Stop planning things out and let them happen." Now, this seems basic but I really needed to hear it from someone other than my mother. That's not to say he is against planning, considering he is an AD, but when it comes to this career there isn't really a way to create a definite path.

This quote comes to mind: "Do what you can, with what you have, right now".

I think there is a large difference between control and organization. I am currently looking for that balance.

Brendan also brought up a point which I hadn't previously thought about: I usually talk, "all about my process" and I have been doing this "process" for many years it has become my fall back plan when working on a show because I feel most comfortable doing it compared to new processes that are introduced to us. This is a bad habit I intend to break this year. Brendan's point was that you shouldn't put your process on a project, but that the project should inform your process. This was huge for me because I have dealt with so much frustration this year regarding directors simply not letting me do "my thing" and it was because they didn't work that way and they didn't care. They were asking something specific from me and I was bucking the system, which resulted in me not rising to the challenge. If I had of simply let myself be open to the process they were showing us I would have learned exponentially more. So, I move forward with this thought in my mind into the new year.

On Monday of this week I went by myself to the Mrs. Carter Tour in Montreal featuring Beyoncé herself. I was blown away by the show and how hard she works at being completely flawless, and I mean that in the best way. Every step was on point, every problem or blip was met with complete confidence and a smile setting us, the audience, at ease. She was so professional and gracious to everyone who helped her put on the show from the technicians to the back up singers. Watching her reminded me of how much work needs to be put into everything before it can be at a place of comfort and flow. There was no hesitation or worry on her face at any point throughout the show, even when her weave got sucked into a fan.

I'm not joking.

Her confidence seems like an obvious thing, "of course she would be confident, she is Sasha Fierce!" But for me seeing her doing a live show, not some edited version, proved to me how little I actually work in preparation for a show. Joe Ziegler's floating head started to incircle mine repeating what he said to me, "You have a lot of talent, but you don't understand the work that it takes to become an actor..."and it finally made sense. Since being at the school I have always, more or less, flown by the seat of my pants when it comes to the lines and homework that is needed on the text. I have managed to get by on looking over the text a few times and running it in rehearsal, but as the roles and responsibilities grow so does my need of dedication.

Now I know most of you are probably thinking, "Wayne, stop beating yourself up! Everyone has to learn!" And I want you to know that's all this post is (as long as it is). I am learning about myself as an artist and a human and I want to progress, and progress happens when you can identify what needs to change. This year, for me, is about listening and changing for the better.

This last month has been extremely cleansing and has shed a lot of light on some of my biggest problems creatively and personally and I am extremely grateful to each an every person who continues to support me as I change for the better.

And speaking of support you can do me a solid by checking out Bone Deep, a film I am in in the Atlantic Film Festival. Directed by the very British Jeremy Webb and written by the delightful Jessica Marsh.

BONE DEEP

Night Abyss.