Doubt.

Hey Abyss,


Tomorrow I, along with my class, will be heading into rehearsal for the second show of our graduate season: Our Country's Good by Timberlake Weretenbaker. I am not really sure why, but I am extremely excited for this process. My class and I had the opportunity to see Tadeusz Bradecki's work at the Shaw Festival earlier this year, as he also directed Guys & Dolls. I had a blast at the show, and perhaps that is why I am so excited to work with him. Although, there is a difference between a 1950's musical and a historical piece that is set in 1788, Australia.

This week we were working with Jackie Maxwell, who is the Artistic Director of the Shaw Festival, on scenes from Three Sisters. The class was intended more for the 2 directing program students, and focused on balancing crowds on the stage through dynamic and relationships, which in turn continues to feed the actors. It was an interesting experience and helped me to not just see my relationship to the other characters, but also the big picture and how there can be a domino effect. Working with Jackie was great. She is super chill and really easy to talk to, which surprised me. Personally, I have always been rather intimidated by AD's, so that fact that she was extremely approachable and kind made working with her a breeze and began to debunk my theories.

Her class was the only one we had which made it a pretty lax week, in terms of NTS. We finally got a full two day weekend after  Lion in the Streets and we had another one this weekend, which I assume was to be used to prep for Our Country's Good. Needless to say, I used the time to breathe and actually get some of my "everyday" things done.

This past Friday, the student body went to the Monument National to be privy to the reception of this years winners of the Gascon-Thomas Awards: Colm Feore and Suzanne Lebeau. Both of them are extremely inspiring and talented artists and if you don't know who they are, I recommend clicking their names and finding out.

Colm said some really pertinent things, in his seemly improvised speech, that have continued to resonate with me over the weekend. He spoke about preparedness in the young actor, and how it is essential for survival to be constantly honing your craft. How at any moment one must be ready to do what is asked. That is the key to getting work and having longevity. One must invest and prove that they are capable and ready. 

Honestly, I couldn't agree more with him.

But as I nodded my head in compliance with his bold and energetic speech, I came to the realization that I needed to work harder. Now, I always work hard in the moment, that has never been a problem whether on stage or behind the camera. The work that Colm was speaking about was when no one is looking, when there is no one to be accountable to other than yourself and your bank account. And in that moment listening to Colm, I saw how lazy I can be. In the past, I have blamed it on the busy schedule we have at the school, or that I am tired and have other things that need my focus. But actually, nothing needs my focus more than my career. And that is the truth.

Along with this acceptance of my lazy tendencies, I have also accepted that I need to stop doubting myself as an actor. It is a continued process of relinquishing control, and now running along side that is my abandon of self doubt. There is nothing wrong or arrogant with knowing that I have something to offer, that I have talent. I can accept that I may not know what my artistic vision is yet, or what deeply motivates me to create, but I do know that I have something unique to bring to the table and I am good at what I do, which is being an actor. And accepting that is a huge step. I have doubted my abilities and strengths since first year, and it is only now that I can see that I do have them, and I am special, despite the cliché of that sentence.

Heading into Our Country's Good with this state of mind, and my excitement for the work that is to be done with this show makes me feel extremely confident about the next few months and my progression in my final year at NTS.

As my conversation ended with Colm he said to me, "When we meet again, make sure to remind me that we met here in the lobby of the Monument." I replied, "Don't worry, I will."

Great News: All the Wrong Reasons had it's Canadian theatrical release and is playing in all the major cities make sure you get out to see this amazing film featuring the Canadian talents of Karine Vanesse, Emily Hampshire, Kevin Zegers and the late Cory Monteith. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for yours truly. You can check locations here --> Showtimes

Also, as a reminder, on Novemeber 16th, BONE DEEP will premiere on CBC for your watching pleasure, and it will be uploaded to iTunes later that day if you don't have cable. I was nominated for an ACTRA award for my performance, so if you like me, you might like the film!

Night Abyss.

It's Morphing Time.

Hey,

These last few weeks have been insane with getting Lion in the Streets up, so I apologize for the lack of inner thoughts from me lately.

Not to worry, you will get your fill right now!

We had our preview tonight and it went well, considering how nervous I was. I am really looking forward to the run this week, I feel like my classmates and I have really risen to the challenge of this piece and are doing phenomenal work. I'm really proud of the show. I find the longer I spend with something, a play, a character, the more love I feel towards it. This play is a really hard one to love because of all the atrocity, but I have grown really fond of it. Ravi has been excellent to work with, his young energy has been really refreshing in the room. He has really made this show work visually, his confidence in his ideas really allowed us to play, which I, personally, don't feel we have had the opportunity to do in a show yet.  I really wouldn't have wanted this process to be anything than what it was. It has been an amazing opportunity to work with Ravi, and I hope it isn't the last time.

Starting out this year, I was really aiming to open myself up to processes and just be calm. I am discovering success in both of theses avenues. It has been such a relief to stop worrying about things I cannot control, of course there are going to be things that bother me, or irritate me. But, overall it's just been so relaxing to leave school at school and come home and live my life for me. Before, I found myself needing to do all this meaningless research and putting my energy into stressing about class drama instead of actually working and focusing on what was needed at that time. This year, I come home and I work for a bit and then I relax and enjoy. It seems simple but it has given me so much freedom. I will always have control issues, I am an Aries, but that doesn't mean that I can't let go of the things that I really have no say in. And accepting that has been a huge step for me.

I feel really happy and healthy this year, I promised that I would take care of myself Mind, Body, Spirit and I have been! It has been so great to simple focus on those things, when you take care of yourself: eating well, exercising regularly, etc. you feel the benefits quickly, seriously. It has feed my work and made me relax in a lot of departments. As cheesy as it sounds, I am becoming the person I have wanted to be for the last 2 years. And I cannot think of a better time to come into my own. This year is already blazing by and I can honestly say I am only worried about one thing, and that is what happens after.

Over the last few weeks, I have been asked, "So...what are the plans after you graduate? "This is a pretty normal question, but the problem is I seriously don't have an answer. I have no sweet clue what is happening after I graduate. There are obviously things that I am interested in and projects I would love to be a part of, but once this year ends I have to uproot myself from Montreal and pick where I take my stuff. It is daunting. I'm aware that I can only take it one day at a time and just keep sending out my antenna for possible opportunities, but it is the one thing that is regularly on my mind and what truly worries me most. In the end, all I can do is good work,  and eventually someone will take notice. What's encouraging is that I am good at something that I feel passionate about, and all of the other students that graduate this year are in the same boat "What happens after?"

So, at least I am not alone.

Speaking of not being alone, if you have live/know anyone who lives in Montreal, please spread the word about the show. You can get all the details from the link above. The more people we have at our performances the better an experience this year will be. I am so excited to see how the run goes and what things will change and grow. This year is shaping up wonderfully. I am blessed.

In recent news, I was nominated for Best Actor in a Short Film at the ACTRA awards a few weeks ago, I felt so honoured to be up against some veterans in the industry and that people thought highly enough of my performance in Bone Deep to nominate me. It would have been nice to win, but losing so someone who inspires you isn't really a loss. In my eyes, it was an honour, and I still have many more opportunities to show my skills ahead of me.

Bone Deep is premiering on CBC November 16th, and will be uploaded to iTunes to rent or purchase later that day!

All the Wrong Reason's played in Montreal last week and I was so upset that I had to miss it, but tech week for the show was extremely demanding (time-wise). It is so wonderful that it's getting attention, it is truly deserving of it. Also, if you missed the opportunity to see Blackbird, my previous film, you can now buy it on iTunes by clicking here: http://blackbirdthefilm.com/screenings/

If you live in Parrsboro, Nova Scotia you can see Blackbird on the big screen as part of the Parrsboro Film Festival this weekend!

That is all for now,

Night Abyss.

What is My Life?

Hey Abyss,

These last two weeks have gone by faster than a jar of  Kraft Crunchy Peanut Butter in my cupboard.

As you may know, last weekend I had the opportunity to go to the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) premiere of All the Wrong Reasons and had an absolute blast. I took a bus up on Saturday evening after class and arrived Sunday morning at 1:45 a.m. Then I slept at my friends place, caught up with another friend of mine for lunch downtown, then went down to the premiere, which was playing at the Scotiabank Theatre. I have never seen a bigger movie theatre, it was huge and sold out to boot. I took my seat with the rest of the cast and crew and proceeded to watch the film that had been a year in the making.

All the Wrong Reasons was a beautiful exploration of real relationships and issues and how they affect  every day people and their lives. Gia Milani executed it so gracefully, I found myself getting completely invested into the lives of the characters, despite having read the script previously. Karine Vanesse's performance was stunning as a woman who is suffering from PTSD and trying to keep her marriage together. She is married to the late Cory Monteith, who completely pulls off the middle aged store manager longing for a change in his life.  Kevin Zegers also surprised me with his ability to transform into a recently injured fire fighter working to get his life back. They all did a phenomenal job bringing life to the screenplay Gia had written.

After the film, Karine, Gia, Emily Hampshire, Denis Theriault and myself headed out to the after party, but not before seeing James Franco getting his photos taken right in front of us! The after party was at this swanky place called the C-Lounge and as we entered Adrian Brody was leaving with his entourage. Looking back, the best part about the party (besides the amazing free food and open bar) was that there were so many Nova Scotian's there. At first, I felt like I fish out of water surrounded by all these people associated with the Film & Entertainment industry, but as I walked around and investigated (while continuously eating sliders and sushi) I found my community! It was so wonderful to see so many familiar faces and made me ease right into the situation and have an absolute blast. The whole evening was surreal to me and made me feel like Cinderella, especially since I had to dart off back to Montreal at midnight.

I arrived in Montreal around 7 a.m. Monday morning, and went to class still wired off the events that had happened only a few hours ago. That week we worked with Andrew Shaver for 3 days on creating our Voice Over demos. He is an extremely cool guy, and the voice of Subway, and brought in a lot of his friends including Danny Brochu (The voice of Buster Baxter from Arthur) from the Radio, Television, Video Game and Animation world to answer our many questions about the industry and how to transition into it. I really hope he is able to come back to teach us later this year, I had a blast getting in the studio and messing around with voices sound effects. After working with Andrew and his friends I am seriously considering Voice Over work as an endeavour.

This morning I arrived back with my classmates, we just spent two days in Niagara-on-the-Lake seeing 5 shows at the Shaw Festival. I really enjoyed myself and the vibe I got from the Festival. We had the chance to speak with a panel of actors from the company who were extremely inspiring. They had such great advice and really made me feel positive about the choices I am making as an emerging actor. We had the pleasure of seeing Major Barbara, Peace in Our Time, Trifles, and Guys & Dolls. 

Tomorrow we begin rehearsals for out first show; Lion in the Streets by Judith Thompson. I have been looking forward to this moment since I returned to Montreal, the play is a gritty, psycho-sexual piece that is raw and unforgiving and I cannot wait to sink my teeth into the text and bring it to life with my classmates and Ravi Jain, our Director. I have spent most of my Sunday preparing my script and readying myself for the week. Lion in the Streets is premiering in the Hydro-Quebec Studio space at the Monument-Nationale, October 22nd.

Also, BONE DEEP opened at the Atlantic Film Festival on the 14th to a sold out crowd, and I have received a lot of praise for my performance. I am extremely proud of the film, a lot of heart went into it. I hope that people continue walking out feeling just how much.

I need to sleep.

Night Abyss :)