1 Down 1 2 Go.

Hey Abyss,

The last Christmas Break of my educational career has started and it has come at the perfect time. I have  been looking forward to having this time to myself. I need this time to focus on how I want to move forward in the new year and become stronger. I feel like everyday is an opportunity for me to learn how  to become better and more wholesome as a person, and sequentially and actor. I want to move on from the things that hold me back and just leap into life. I have a tenancy to dwell on things that are in the past or are beyond my control, but in the last few weeks I have experienced a surge of freedom. This surge has helped me to have a more positive and carefree outlook on life and I am loving the feeling.

I had my term evaluation with Alisa Palmer on Friday and we talked about a lot of things. Both of the directors I worked with this term (Ravi Jain & Tadeusz Bradecki) had some critical things to point out in me. Although I was initially confused by what they had said about me as an actor, Alisa was able to translate it and help me to understand how I can move forward with their feedback in mind. We came to the conclusion that I am a performer, first and for most. There is a significant difference between a performer and an actor, it is the actor that I am struggling to find. I know that the combination of both performer and actor is ideal, and is what I want to achieve more than anything.

I have always known and been most alive and explorative WITH an audience. In the rehearsal process I tend to do one of two things: I bring it in the reading and throw out all of my offers so that after weeks of rehearsal things become bland and static. Or I limit myself by judging myself before I let the work happen. Both of these things are detrimental to the process. The only aspect that ends up saving me is that I come alive in front of an audience, which is the nature of a performer. This is my talent. But I am here to learn how to be an actor, my performance abilities have and always will be with me.

Alisa suggested to me that I work with myself to go deeper in the work, to really let it affect me to open myself up to the process and avoid judgement. All things I am aware of but not sure how to do. So, my challenge for next term is to focus on cracking myself open in the rehearsal room and building myself back up in time for performance. I know that in order for me to go deeper in the work and in myself I have to give up my judgement and perceived judgement of others. This is something I have been struggling with since first year. It psychs me out so much. I mess up lines and over analyze situations to the point where I become catatonic. Self doubt and frustration is my kryptonite. When I get to those points I creatively stop and there is nothing that will push me out of that state except for time and re-evaluation, and in a short rehearsal period I don't have those luxuries.

I know that I can sometimes come off as harsh and self deprecating but that is not my intention. These posts are for me to create a marker for myself, a period in time to be accountable to. If I have written how I can progress it makes me that much more motivated to change. The more diligent I can be with myself about progression the better I can become.

To go back to my point about actor vs performer and the combination of the two; I want to clarify that I have felt truly in the work as an actor many times at the school.  And during those moments I wasn't judging myself or self conscious, I was just living with the written text and the emotions in front of me. It was extremely liberating and cemented the idea that I have the ability to be as good an actor as I am a performer. In the coming months I just want to feel these moments more frequently and gain access on the regular to this compartment. I need regular practice, and I think this can relate to what I said a few posts back about Colm Feore; I need to constantly be working towards what I want. The lazier and closed off I am, the less of a change I will experience.

And there we have it: Logged.

Now to implement and move forward.

Happy Holidays!

Night, Abyss.

I'm Going Home/Merry Christmas

Hey Abyss,

It is the night before I head back to the Maritimes and I am all prepared. I spent most of the day cleaning my apartment, except for my dishes which I am avoiding at all costs currently. I don't know whether it is the christmas spirit alive inside of me or perhaps my tired body, but I am really looking forward to being back home for two weeks.

I have done most of my Christmas shopping and now just have to figure out how to fit all the presents and two weeks worth of clothes into two carry on bags....

I like to travel as light as possible, I have this suspicious feeling that the airline will always lose my luggage. This trip I am putting my faith in Porter, mainly because you get free food and alcohol. The flight back to Nova Scotia is quite quick from Montreal (only about an hour and a half) and so it is a strange sensation to be in two different provinces in such a short time. I don't think that feeling will ever change for me.

This week was a real gift. We had a lot of final core classes this week, and Nina Lee Aquino staged a reading of David Yee's play Safari with us. It was well received last night and now we just have to wait on the new AD's decision as to whether or not she wants us to mount it as the opening show of our season next year at The Monument-Nationale. Let's hope.

This semester has been so enlightening to me as both an actor and a person. Sherry Bie (the outgoing Artistic Director) is such a wonderful woman and I am sad to see her go. She has pushed me a lot over this last year and a half at the school and I can see how proud she is of my whole class. She is such a selfless woman, and a true artist. I feel truly blessed to have experienced her the way I have. She will be deeply missed.

I am heading to the closing performance of Three Sisters tonight and will say my holiday goodbyes after the show. On that topic, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas as I will be focused on spending time with my family and my beautiful girlfriend over the holiday, so I wont be posting until the New Year.

Here is to another year in the life of a Would-be Actor in training.

Merry Christmas Abyss.

Merry Christmas!

Hey there,

I wish you a very Merry Christmas to you and your family and friends.

I got back to my parents house a few days ago after a 20 hour train ride home. It was the longest amount of time I have ever been on route and I am convincing myself not to make it a habit. I slept most of the trip, but what made the time pass quicker than sleeping the hours away was the friend I made while journey across the country.

I met a guy who snuck on two bottles of Disaronno, which for those of you who may not know what that is it is a sweet kind of Amaretto. The two of us got mildly drunk and conversed about the possibility of the human race one day being micro-chipped at birth. It was a very interesting and frightening topic for us both to explore.

I am glad to be home and having the wonderful feeling of relaxation and not having to be going or doing anything. Just hanging with the Fam listing to christmas music and baking sweets that are being consumed faster than the actual creation of them. I am heading into the city in a couple of days to see my girlfriend and and looking forward to have more relaxation and just to get to see her after being apart for so long.

Christmas for us this year was very simple and I feel as though it was the most enjoyable. I find it strange how insane the holidays can be for some families. There is some ominous pressure set upon people as soon as the snow falls. It is sad how much is purchased and not really appreciated.

Unfortunately I do not have much of an acting update due to my vacation, all I can say is that I need to work on my homework for school and I have been procrastinating for the longest time. There are also a few places that are holding auditions for their summer seasons and I am debating about auditioning in the hopes of employment this summer. I am conflicted due to the fact that I want to book as much film and Tv as possible this summer rather than be in contract the whole time with a theatre show and unable to audition for other things. What should I do?

This isn't much of a post today, I promise they will get more exciting as time where's on and I am back in the spin of things at school. I am stoked to get back and am hoping that my student loan will come through sooner than later.

Thats all for the moment.

Night Abyss

It's Christmas Time in the City

In Montreal, that is!


SO, so, so. It has been over 5 months since my last post.

This is awful considering my constant babble about how "I'll keep the posts coming!"

As if I am the mailman.

These last few months have been a whirlwind. I have literally had little to no time by myself, it has been me and 10 of my fellow actors duking it out for 12 hours a day 6 days a week. The school was not exacgerrating when they stated that "They tear you apart emotionally and physically, then build you back up".

I have never cried so much in my life. And for those who don't know me, I don't cry. To counter this rather depressing statement I would like to follow with saying that I have also never laughed as hard as I have at this school. I am throughly enjoying my time and they are working me to the bone.

For the first couple months I thought I had made the wrong choice about coming because my body just wasn't able to take the physical demands, I would come home at night bleeding and bruised. Feeling as though I was training for World War 3. Then over time my bruises faded and my bleeding orifices calloused and I came back stronger and more determine to prove my worth.

This school is wonderful in making you feel inadequate as an artist, in attempts of getting you to a moulding point where they can show you the potential you have to morph into. Its beautiful. It may seems as though everyone is out to get you at some points but really they are just trying to find your strength. I feel so honoured to be training under these talented individuals.

On that note, the people who have trained us this term have been phenomenal. The amount of well known artists that come through our school is just amazing. Again, opportunity of a life time. I had the pleasure of meeting Sandra Oh this term as well and she gifted me with some wonderful advice and helped me to pull up my boot straps and give it my all. The thing about this school is that everyone who has passed through knows that it is so supportive about fostering young artists, so they are so grateful, and thus in return making you feel so special to be walking the same halls as they once did. Its inspirational and dream like to know all the people who have sweated and cried and bleed in this place and have gone on to do great things for theatre and film in Canada.

I have not been able to auction for anything as of late due to my hectic schedule and lack of knowledge of the Montreal film scene, so no audition updates..

Yesterday I found out that Shakespeare by the Sea is holding auditions for their summer contracts and I was thinking about auditioning. I really haven't learned too much about Shakespeare yet and am unsure if I would be able to out together two well done monologues by the time the deadline is due. I am still debating this because I really want to book as much film and TV work as I can this summer when I go back to Nova Scotia. Apparently it is going to be a lucrative summer....

What do you think?

Recently I won the Theatre Nova Scotia Award for an excellence in Theatre in Nova Scotia. I was thrilled and completely unaware that I had been nominated. Unfortunately I was unable to be there to accept the award so my parents had to go and accept it for me. I just felt so honoured by the gesture and award that I wish I could have been there to express my gratitude. The Nova Scotia Talent Trust is a wonderful organization and if you are an artist in need of money don't hesitate to look them up!

I leave montreal for a Christmas break tomorrow and I am pumped to finally just be back to my town. I have a lot of catching up to do and am looking forward to every minute.

For my faithful fans, thank you for your support.

Night Abyss,

http://thechronicleherald.ca/artslife/43196-talent-trust-honours-young-nova-scotians

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm4517763/