Save Me.

I love meeting new people, hearing about their lives, lessons they've learned, places they've travelled, etc. Not only does it add to my catalogue of characters, but also it allows me to see how other people deal with their lives and perhaps give me an alternative perspective on my own. Or in this case, how they avoid dealing with their lives. 

For those of you who didn't know, I was living, or rather dying a slow and painful death, in the weirdest, most disgusting house I have ever been in. If you remember, I was cast only 4 days before I was required on set for the show. This gave me very little time to find an adequate, and within my budget, place to live. 

I had to settle with the first option that Kijiji offered me, and settle I did. 

I began living with an elderly gentleman, whose wife died about 4 years ago, and a boarder who was essentially the blond version of Lurch from The Addams Family.  The wife had clearly been responsible for maintaining the house; I honestly don't think anything has been moved since her death, except for the gym equipment into the living room and the spices from the cupboards onto the deck... 

Now when I decided (had no choice) to move into this place, I thought, "This will be an adventure!" I gave the residents, of this rather sad home, the benefit of the doubt and thought, "We will become best friends by cleaning the house together!"

Well, I had been there for almost 2 months and neither the older man nor the roommate made any attempt to get to know me, or show any interest in speaking to me about their lives. Instead, they griped about me using the toilet paper or forgetting my keys. One day I was denied entrance into the house until I promised to not forget them ever again.

Now, from these pictures, I want you to visualize what the rest of the house looked like.

Got an image? Now picture 3 times worse. 

Essentially, I managed to touch as little as possible by not leaving my room or cooking anything. I was afraid I might contract some disease from an unmoved towel, or the hair covered utensils. 

I won't even get into the bug situation. 

Interestingly enough, Lurch's room was meticulous. Like, serial killer clean. The strangest part of his room was that he kept 3 pictures of people (probably victims), in frames on his bed. Not on his dresser, but sitting ON HIS BED! He didn't work, had barely any belongings and just watched TV endlessly. Occasionally he would walk the older man's ancient dog, clearly blind, due to it's massive cataracts, and for some reason always looked wet. 

Did I mention that there was a deep pit in the back yard...?

This setting for Stephen King's newest novel was where I spent my downtime: close to the set, in a town 60km outside of Vancouver and a 15 minute drive away from people who knew how to engage with one another. I had no car, and it took about 2 hours to bus into the city. I started to go insane, especially on my days off. The older man was always working on something late into the night, other than cleaning his house or getting rid of the copious amount of junk. He consistently found something to complain about, whether it was the 8 vehicles sitting in his driveway that no longer worked...

Or the perpetually drenched dog's endless whining. Basically, it was awful and I regret not moving out sooner, it was nothing short of an irritating and disgusting experience. It wasn't until last week that I realized how much this space was affecting my psyche. It was deeply effecting my work and diet, or lack thereof, while making me dread coming "home" after shooting.

With any job, one needs a place of refuge, where one can unwind, relax and prepare for the next day. Living here, in this pre-Hoarder candidate's home, I was walking on egg shells, literally and figuratively, while trying not to use the toilet paper excessively for fear of dirty looks and unnecessary aggression over needing to wipe my butt. Needless to say, I finally moved out. I'm now staying with a lovely family who is clean, wholesome, normal and made me steak on my first night with them; substantially better, and much healthier for my mind. 

As Darren Hardy says, "Garbage in, garbage out." 

I'm learning to take responsibility for my needs: what I need in order for me to do the best job I can. To bring the best version of myself to set. To fuel my body the way it deserves. This experience has taught me to put my well being first, an obvious one, but in the process of me not wanting to cause preemptive waves I sacrificed my health. Something that should never be on the sacrificial slab. 

W. 

Olympian Gratitude.

Last week was a blur and I posted something from a few weeks ago to tie you over until I could get my thoughts together for a more recent post. 

My life has changed drastically in one week. 

I think it started with getting sides for a new project and feeling a deep almost electric connection with the text. I read it and immediately thought, "This is mine. No one else could play this." 

This may sound arrogant or cocky, but it truly came out of positive visualization. I have been listening to Darren Hardy's The Compound Effect, in combination with reading The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari and both men speak highly about the benefits of visualizing goals. 

Having that magnetic connection to a script was something I had never felt before. I wanted this role with every fiber of my being, and was more than willing to work my butt off for two days and nail the self tape that was required of me. 

Before receiving the sides for said role, I had been prepping for my Book of Mormon audition that was taking place in Toronto on Monday. They were looking for replacements for Broadway and two separate National tours. For the last six weeks this had been my focus, Susan and I had been working diligently on getting my voice to the agile state it needed to be for the role of Elder Cunningham. During our last session Susan brought some brilliant insights into the work for me; She spoke about not going in to audition but to be present with myself and allow the panel to see me live the story that I was telling. She also spoke about focusing on being true to myself and truthfully feel what I was doing. This would result in it not feeling like an audition for anyone, it will feel as though someone came in and was alive, rather than filling a cookie cutter role. 

Throughout our lesson we continually brought up the similarities between an actor and an Olympian; All of us have the ability to run fast, but only a few people have the ability and stamina to run at the speeds and precision that Olympians do. The time and training that they put into those races is truly superhuman. Acting is no different, in my mind, it requires constant physical and mental maintenance, through eating well, exercise and dedicating ones life to developing empathy for the human race. This may seem like an extreme comparison but it makes so much sense to me. To truly play someone different requires my body to become an empty vessel and let their spirit and experiences inhabit me. If I show any doubt, the spirit will be unable to use me effectively. 

An Olympian can make or break a career in milliseconds, so it is imperative to give themselves the preparation and focus time they require to center themselves and visualize the goal. Acting is the same. It's easy to memorize lines and say them in front of people/camera. It's all the work that goes into a complete transformation that makes it truly remarkable. Preparation is key, and I'm slowly establishing my routines. This is my life and I can either use my time wisely by keeping my instrument at competitive levels or simply letting it all fall to the waste-side and waiting for the role that requires no work to come along. 

I have to think long term, not impulsively. 

I want to run the race because I love to run, not because I want first place. That being said, I want to train my body so that I am capable of swooping in and nabbing first place if I so desire.

I read a fantastic article about craftsmanship on one of my favourite websites, The Art of Manliness. It spoke about applying the principles of great craftsmanship to ones daily life. Here are some passages that really rang true for me: 

With any project the craftsman creates twice: first mentally and then physically. Before he sets chisel to stone or hammer to wood, the craftsman has already created the work in his mind. In other words, he plans how to bring the object from the rough materials and tools before him. 

A good craftsman has the patience to stay with frustrating work, even when it takes longer than he originally thought. He avoids frustration by living by the following maxim: When something takes longer than you expect, stop fighting and embrace it.

The Craftsman willingly opens himself up to teaching, criticism, and judgment from his peers and clients because that’s the only way he can improve. He doesn't take criticism personally because the craftsman is more concerned about doing good work than feeling good about his work. A true craftsman understands that nobody cares about how he feels about his work. In the end he knows that the only question that matters is: "Does it work?"

I have started journaling and tracking all of my daily activities, from what I eat and how much to the amount of time I spend on Facebook every day. It has been eye opening to see all that I can accomplish (or not accomplish) in a day. By tracking it, I can see what holds me back or propels me forwards in achieving my goals while also bringing attention to the areas of my life that need improvement. After doing this for a week I have already seen the positive effects on my creative mind as well as my time management. Along with tracking I have been taking time every day to think about all the positive things that happened to me in the last 24 hours. This positivity has made me feel extreme gratitude for all the people in my life who are constantly supporting me and providing me with the connections that I crave. 

When I open my eyes to all the beauty the world has to offer, that is all I see. 

I know at this point some of you may be thinking that I drank too much of the Kool-Aid, but I assure you by changing my view of the world and starting to look inward, my life has begun to shift drastically. It has been wonderful to simply look at random people and see something beautiful about them, it reminds me of how unique and special we all are. 

Cue Louis Armstrong’s version of "What a Wonderful World". 

I have started a new adventure in a new place, surrounded by new people and I cannot wait to take advantage of their knowledge and experience. I want to be the most respectful sponge, outside of Spongebob Squarepants, and take advantage of every opportunity that is given to me. I have worked hard to be where I am and this new phase of my life is an opportunity to put all the aforementioned steps into motion. 

This is my time.