Fight or Flight

This week was a very reassuring week. I was able to meet up with and talk to some of the people who inspire me and they gave me some stellar advice on how to relax and move forward and simply enjoy this new element of my life.

 I am slowly but surely relaxing. 

The week started off with having some almond tea with a good friend of mine, and fellow actress who inspires me. Her drive and work ethic is what motivates me to push for what I want in MY career and to always be as prepared as possible. I remember working with her and her being consistently present and dedicated to the work at hand in rehearsal. She knew what her body needed and was able to set a standard for me as an actor, she embodied what I wanted for myself post graduation. We talked for a few hours and she was able to help me accept my impatience and understand that having drive is great, and is something that we share, but at some point we have to learn how to relax and give up trying to control things.

A constant struggle. 

I am such a doer and I want to to have my hand in everything, which is impossible and by letting go I will actually let the people who want to help me do just that. I want control out of fear that these 3rd party individuals will "mess" something up. Learning how to trust myself and other people is a big hurdle, and is going to take constant maintenance to keep in balance. The great thing about my friend, Leah, is that her and I have a lot of similarities so to hear that she has/had the same issues post graduation was encouraging and made me feel much more at ease about this period of transition. 

Later that day I had a job interview, which ended up being a bust. Although I was excited about the prospects of working there the staff seemed pretty unenthusiastic about life and had the emotional colour wheel of Wednesday Addams. I know I'm better off not being there, and by not being hired life granted me an opportunity to work at a high end men's wear store that specializes in suits for men under 5'8". 

A perfect match.  

I had my second commercial audition this week and it was hilarious. I had to go in with a group of three other people and dance to some weird music and wave to an imaginary goat. 

Kudos to whoever booked that. 

I also got to chill with my mentor, the artistic director of Shakespeare in the Ruff this week. Every time we hang out he enlightens and charges me up. I talked about my issues with comparison and feeling like I am running out of time despite me having only been her for a month. I asked him about how he got through the hard times; where he felt stuck or questioned what he was doing with his life. I asked him about hits and whether it is more beneficial to be categorized or elusive. No matter what I threw at him he had an insightful and eloquent way of answering me. 

The biggest things I took away from our conversation was presence, patience, trust and that no one has the answers. He said this really great thing about forging ones own path; "Your path is only a path when you look back at it." It's easy to follow pre made paths and hope to have the same things happen to me as it did for someone else, but why not forge my own and see what things I can experience? I have spent so much time trying to emulate the careers of people who I admire and this tenancy will always fail me because I am an individual, everything that happens to me is mine and I only have control over what direction I want to take. 

Brendan also spoke about how important it is for artists to take the time to be present in everyday life, and to be present with themselves. As an artistic director, he said that he would rather work with someone who has experienced life and the love and pain that comes with it, than someone who has spent their entire lives in a black box honing their craft. 

In my opinion, the best actors (the ones I look up to) are the ones who have lived and are able to bring humanity and vitality into their work; cleverness and beauty will only get one so far. Perfection is boring, imperfections are what makes us human. And these imperfections are what people relate to in one another. I am striving for authenticity and balance, not perfection. 

We talked about my "hit" and how I feel like I want to capitalize on not being able to be pinned down. I want to be diverse and transform in everything I do. We talked about how this was an admirable goal, but in these early stages of my career I should focus on my ace card rather than pushing the whole deck on people. Once I am able to build up more of a career I can start showing my other hands, so to speak. I think this is a great way of thinking about it. It doesn't mean that I cannot show those other parts of myself, but there is a time and a place. Right now, I need to focus on what is marketable and what my strongest assets are. I need patience, and to trust that my agent knows what she is doing. 

Lately I have found myself wanting a break or needing time off, but then when I do get time off I don't do anything that I want to do. I simply eat crap and sleep. Perhaps I am still reeling from graduating and have yet to establish a routine so everything personally has gone to heck, but I can feel my body craving stimulation beyond endless Twitter and Facebook creeping. I use "networking" as an excuse to not be present with myself, I am obsessed with trying to maintain a constant online presence. I need to stop worrying about it so much. I have set up everything I need and now I should be able to relax and focus on the massive amount of book and movies I want to enjoy, but I don't. I waste countless hours looking at the same posts or trying to think of something funny to tweet. It's stupid. 

I went for run through High Park last week and it was liberating. I had forgotten the simple joy that comes from being in nature and taking it in. Then, the other day I went to the St. Lawrence Market and bought a Napoleon square and a butter tart. I just sat in the sun and took my time eating those deserts, not checking my phone or listening to music, just being there. It might sound goofy or artsy but these moments are what have stuck with me over the last week, not the tweets I favourited. There are certainly benefits to social networking, and I will always believe that, but there are more benefits to enjoying life and being present in each experience. 

I am slowly learning, from all of the artists that surround me how important it is to take my time and feel out this new environment. As I have been told over and over again, if I continue to speed through and distract myself from the simple things, I am going to have lived a pretty meaningless life. I realize that I feel uncreative because I am stopping myself from being creative. It is easier for me to eat a whole pumpkin pie, watch Arrested Development, surf twitter and listen to music all at once, then to simply give each thing its own time.

Right now, my career is in its first stages and I have to stop demanding it to be anything but where it is. My time will come and things will happen because I am afraid and that fear is what will push me to greatness. I need to let go and allow myself to flounder.  No one is going to give me the answers I want, because no one has life figured out (no matter how well they seem to have it together).

Babysitting is reminding me how present and unfazed kids are. They don't judge themselves or care what you think, they are real with how they feel and are constantly in a life or death situation. Things affect them deeply, but are able to go on with their lives. One moment they can be crying and the next running and playing. Things aren't as precious or dramatic, they just are. Life is just happening for them and they deal with things as they arrive. They aren't preparing for next week or what their next life choice is. Sure they don't have the same responsibilities that adults do, but there is a freedom and honesty about them that I want to rediscover. She is teaching me a lot about life and myself. 

I'm grateful for everything life is offering me right now. 

P.S. All the Wrong Reasons is being officially released on all platforms on June 23rd, so mark it on your calendars and pick up a copy of this wonderful Canadian film featuring some fantastic actors and yours truly. 

W.

A Beginner's Guide to Living An Actor's Life.

Hey Abyss,

Today marks my second week living in Toronto. Time has already flown by; today and last night were really the only moments that I have let myself enjoy. I went out for sushi by myself last night and had a great conversation with the waiter and the musician who was playing there. I always underestimate the pleasure one can get from eating alone, simply taking in the flavours and the ambiance. Restaurants work hard on creating an environment for their customers and rarely do I take it all in. It was wonderful.

Today is Victoria Day, and I woke up feeling like it's the best time for me to get myself back into a much-needed routine. That is one thing that I find myself missing from school, the routine. I didn't have much time to myself there, but everything was structured and planned out. All I had to do was fit my life into the time slots. Over the last week I have slipped into some negative states and fallen back into some old habits, I simply need to find structure again to pull me out of this pool of ooze.

Now comes the challenge.

I have been thinking about what is important to me: maintaining my craft, staying on top of my game, and dominating when an audition comes along. I am fearful that all the work I have done over the last 3 years will start to melt away if I don't stay on top of it. I simply need to establish self-discipline and start to manage my own time, easier said then done.

Ain't nothin' to it but to do it.

It's weird, I have felt on vacation for the last week and only now is it starting to sink in that this is my life.

On Thursday, I got a job as a dishwasher/line cook at a locally owned restaurant 2 minutes down the road from my apartment. I have put in 2 workdays already and am working all week starting Wednesday. It's 40 hours a week, and only evenings and weekends (this is the perfect schedule to accommodate my audition schedule). I am really stoked to be working again and I am surprisingly really enjoying the simplicity of washing dishes. It's constant work, which makes the time go by quickly. Cool people surround me and let me work in silence, if I choose. I feel this job, will help me achieve serenity and allow me to focus inward rather than constantly being in a state of performance and accommodation to those around me. I think it will be a nice foil to my acting life.

I am still babysitting, and thoroughly enjoying that. Both of these jobs offer me something completely different and require me to use very opposite skills. I love it. It has been a while since I have felt this content. I know that everything is where it should be. I am poor, but that’s only temporary. I am alone, but that's perfect; I am excited for the next opportunity to act, which is exactly how I want to feel. I need to revel in this simplicity and embrace the fact that this is what I have been wanting for a while. I do have a lot of friends here, but I have been transplanted into their lives and I understand that it will take a while to merge our lives together. At the very least, I know that I have a support system, which makes me feel safe and happy.

I had a wonderful meeting with my agent on Thursday. It was super chill and casual, which allowed me to confide my fears and desires to her. I left that meeting feeling ready to step into battle. I know that our relationship is going to be stellar and I cannot wait to see where she takes me. I just have to loosen my grip on having control over my career, as we need to work together. People that want the best for me, who are able to be candid and supportive surround me. I feel blessed to have found these people and really want to be around them as much as possible. Not only do the give me great advice, but they teach me how to fight for what I want.

On Wednesday, I have an interview for the SummerWorks Leadership Intensive Program and am very excited. I would love to be a part of the program and need to focus on nailing that interview. They only take a limited about of people, and knowing that I have made it to this round is encouraging. It is a program that specializes in leadership within the arts and has a large focus on the business side: how to produce work, how to market that work, and who to market it to. All the while, being introduced to mentors and the juggernauts of the Toronto arts community. All of this excites me immensely.

I feel my positivity growing as each day passes, and I love meeting new people. These last few days have really restored my faith in humanity and that is awesome. If you put out positivity and honesty you can only get it back. It is helping me to be more authentic with my needs and myself as a young man. There is so much to see, eat, hear, love, dream, and experience right now; I want to do it all. And right now, I can.

Night Abyss.

P.S. If you haven't already heard All the Wrong Reasons will be released on DVD via Amazon.ca on June 23rd, 2014. Depending on your area it might vary. Make sure you look for yours truly :)

Blackbird has yet to have a release date, but you can always check it out on iTunes.

Doubt.

Hey Abyss,


Tomorrow I, along with my class, will be heading into rehearsal for the second show of our graduate season: Our Country's Good by Timberlake Weretenbaker. I am not really sure why, but I am extremely excited for this process. My class and I had the opportunity to see Tadeusz Bradecki's work at the Shaw Festival earlier this year, as he also directed Guys & Dolls. I had a blast at the show, and perhaps that is why I am so excited to work with him. Although, there is a difference between a 1950's musical and a historical piece that is set in 1788, Australia.

This week we were working with Jackie Maxwell, who is the Artistic Director of the Shaw Festival, on scenes from Three Sisters. The class was intended more for the 2 directing program students, and focused on balancing crowds on the stage through dynamic and relationships, which in turn continues to feed the actors. It was an interesting experience and helped me to not just see my relationship to the other characters, but also the big picture and how there can be a domino effect. Working with Jackie was great. She is super chill and really easy to talk to, which surprised me. Personally, I have always been rather intimidated by AD's, so that fact that she was extremely approachable and kind made working with her a breeze and began to debunk my theories.

Her class was the only one we had which made it a pretty lax week, in terms of NTS. We finally got a full two day weekend after  Lion in the Streets and we had another one this weekend, which I assume was to be used to prep for Our Country's Good. Needless to say, I used the time to breathe and actually get some of my "everyday" things done.

This past Friday, the student body went to the Monument National to be privy to the reception of this years winners of the Gascon-Thomas Awards: Colm Feore and Suzanne Lebeau. Both of them are extremely inspiring and talented artists and if you don't know who they are, I recommend clicking their names and finding out.

Colm said some really pertinent things, in his seemly improvised speech, that have continued to resonate with me over the weekend. He spoke about preparedness in the young actor, and how it is essential for survival to be constantly honing your craft. How at any moment one must be ready to do what is asked. That is the key to getting work and having longevity. One must invest and prove that they are capable and ready. 

Honestly, I couldn't agree more with him.

But as I nodded my head in compliance with his bold and energetic speech, I came to the realization that I needed to work harder. Now, I always work hard in the moment, that has never been a problem whether on stage or behind the camera. The work that Colm was speaking about was when no one is looking, when there is no one to be accountable to other than yourself and your bank account. And in that moment listening to Colm, I saw how lazy I can be. In the past, I have blamed it on the busy schedule we have at the school, or that I am tired and have other things that need my focus. But actually, nothing needs my focus more than my career. And that is the truth.

Along with this acceptance of my lazy tendencies, I have also accepted that I need to stop doubting myself as an actor. It is a continued process of relinquishing control, and now running along side that is my abandon of self doubt. There is nothing wrong or arrogant with knowing that I have something to offer, that I have talent. I can accept that I may not know what my artistic vision is yet, or what deeply motivates me to create, but I do know that I have something unique to bring to the table and I am good at what I do, which is being an actor. And accepting that is a huge step. I have doubted my abilities and strengths since first year, and it is only now that I can see that I do have them, and I am special, despite the cliché of that sentence.

Heading into Our Country's Good with this state of mind, and my excitement for the work that is to be done with this show makes me feel extremely confident about the next few months and my progression in my final year at NTS.

As my conversation ended with Colm he said to me, "When we meet again, make sure to remind me that we met here in the lobby of the Monument." I replied, "Don't worry, I will."

Great News: All the Wrong Reasons had it's Canadian theatrical release and is playing in all the major cities make sure you get out to see this amazing film featuring the Canadian talents of Karine Vanesse, Emily Hampshire, Kevin Zegers and the late Cory Monteith. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for yours truly. You can check locations here --> Showtimes

Also, as a reminder, on Novemeber 16th, BONE DEEP will premiere on CBC for your watching pleasure, and it will be uploaded to iTunes later that day if you don't have cable. I was nominated for an ACTRA award for my performance, so if you like me, you might like the film!

Night Abyss.

It's Morphing Time.

Hey,

These last few weeks have been insane with getting Lion in the Streets up, so I apologize for the lack of inner thoughts from me lately.

Not to worry, you will get your fill right now!

We had our preview tonight and it went well, considering how nervous I was. I am really looking forward to the run this week, I feel like my classmates and I have really risen to the challenge of this piece and are doing phenomenal work. I'm really proud of the show. I find the longer I spend with something, a play, a character, the more love I feel towards it. This play is a really hard one to love because of all the atrocity, but I have grown really fond of it. Ravi has been excellent to work with, his young energy has been really refreshing in the room. He has really made this show work visually, his confidence in his ideas really allowed us to play, which I, personally, don't feel we have had the opportunity to do in a show yet.  I really wouldn't have wanted this process to be anything than what it was. It has been an amazing opportunity to work with Ravi, and I hope it isn't the last time.

Starting out this year, I was really aiming to open myself up to processes and just be calm. I am discovering success in both of theses avenues. It has been such a relief to stop worrying about things I cannot control, of course there are going to be things that bother me, or irritate me. But, overall it's just been so relaxing to leave school at school and come home and live my life for me. Before, I found myself needing to do all this meaningless research and putting my energy into stressing about class drama instead of actually working and focusing on what was needed at that time. This year, I come home and I work for a bit and then I relax and enjoy. It seems simple but it has given me so much freedom. I will always have control issues, I am an Aries, but that doesn't mean that I can't let go of the things that I really have no say in. And accepting that has been a huge step for me.

I feel really happy and healthy this year, I promised that I would take care of myself Mind, Body, Spirit and I have been! It has been so great to simple focus on those things, when you take care of yourself: eating well, exercising regularly, etc. you feel the benefits quickly, seriously. It has feed my work and made me relax in a lot of departments. As cheesy as it sounds, I am becoming the person I have wanted to be for the last 2 years. And I cannot think of a better time to come into my own. This year is already blazing by and I can honestly say I am only worried about one thing, and that is what happens after.

Over the last few weeks, I have been asked, "So...what are the plans after you graduate? "This is a pretty normal question, but the problem is I seriously don't have an answer. I have no sweet clue what is happening after I graduate. There are obviously things that I am interested in and projects I would love to be a part of, but once this year ends I have to uproot myself from Montreal and pick where I take my stuff. It is daunting. I'm aware that I can only take it one day at a time and just keep sending out my antenna for possible opportunities, but it is the one thing that is regularly on my mind and what truly worries me most. In the end, all I can do is good work,  and eventually someone will take notice. What's encouraging is that I am good at something that I feel passionate about, and all of the other students that graduate this year are in the same boat "What happens after?"

So, at least I am not alone.

Speaking of not being alone, if you have live/know anyone who lives in Montreal, please spread the word about the show. You can get all the details from the link above. The more people we have at our performances the better an experience this year will be. I am so excited to see how the run goes and what things will change and grow. This year is shaping up wonderfully. I am blessed.

In recent news, I was nominated for Best Actor in a Short Film at the ACTRA awards a few weeks ago, I felt so honoured to be up against some veterans in the industry and that people thought highly enough of my performance in Bone Deep to nominate me. It would have been nice to win, but losing so someone who inspires you isn't really a loss. In my eyes, it was an honour, and I still have many more opportunities to show my skills ahead of me.

Bone Deep is premiering on CBC November 16th, and will be uploaded to iTunes to rent or purchase later that day!

All the Wrong Reason's played in Montreal last week and I was so upset that I had to miss it, but tech week for the show was extremely demanding (time-wise). It is so wonderful that it's getting attention, it is truly deserving of it. Also, if you missed the opportunity to see Blackbird, my previous film, you can now buy it on iTunes by clicking here: http://blackbirdthefilm.com/screenings/

If you live in Parrsboro, Nova Scotia you can see Blackbird on the big screen as part of the Parrsboro Film Festival this weekend!

That is all for now,

Night Abyss.

What is My Life?

Hey Abyss,

These last two weeks have gone by faster than a jar of  Kraft Crunchy Peanut Butter in my cupboard.

As you may know, last weekend I had the opportunity to go to the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) premiere of All the Wrong Reasons and had an absolute blast. I took a bus up on Saturday evening after class and arrived Sunday morning at 1:45 a.m. Then I slept at my friends place, caught up with another friend of mine for lunch downtown, then went down to the premiere, which was playing at the Scotiabank Theatre. I have never seen a bigger movie theatre, it was huge and sold out to boot. I took my seat with the rest of the cast and crew and proceeded to watch the film that had been a year in the making.

All the Wrong Reasons was a beautiful exploration of real relationships and issues and how they affect  every day people and their lives. Gia Milani executed it so gracefully, I found myself getting completely invested into the lives of the characters, despite having read the script previously. Karine Vanesse's performance was stunning as a woman who is suffering from PTSD and trying to keep her marriage together. She is married to the late Cory Monteith, who completely pulls off the middle aged store manager longing for a change in his life.  Kevin Zegers also surprised me with his ability to transform into a recently injured fire fighter working to get his life back. They all did a phenomenal job bringing life to the screenplay Gia had written.

After the film, Karine, Gia, Emily Hampshire, Denis Theriault and myself headed out to the after party, but not before seeing James Franco getting his photos taken right in front of us! The after party was at this swanky place called the C-Lounge and as we entered Adrian Brody was leaving with his entourage. Looking back, the best part about the party (besides the amazing free food and open bar) was that there were so many Nova Scotian's there. At first, I felt like I fish out of water surrounded by all these people associated with the Film & Entertainment industry, but as I walked around and investigated (while continuously eating sliders and sushi) I found my community! It was so wonderful to see so many familiar faces and made me ease right into the situation and have an absolute blast. The whole evening was surreal to me and made me feel like Cinderella, especially since I had to dart off back to Montreal at midnight.

I arrived in Montreal around 7 a.m. Monday morning, and went to class still wired off the events that had happened only a few hours ago. That week we worked with Andrew Shaver for 3 days on creating our Voice Over demos. He is an extremely cool guy, and the voice of Subway, and brought in a lot of his friends including Danny Brochu (The voice of Buster Baxter from Arthur) from the Radio, Television, Video Game and Animation world to answer our many questions about the industry and how to transition into it. I really hope he is able to come back to teach us later this year, I had a blast getting in the studio and messing around with voices sound effects. After working with Andrew and his friends I am seriously considering Voice Over work as an endeavour.

This morning I arrived back with my classmates, we just spent two days in Niagara-on-the-Lake seeing 5 shows at the Shaw Festival. I really enjoyed myself and the vibe I got from the Festival. We had the chance to speak with a panel of actors from the company who were extremely inspiring. They had such great advice and really made me feel positive about the choices I am making as an emerging actor. We had the pleasure of seeing Major Barbara, Peace in Our Time, Trifles, and Guys & Dolls. 

Tomorrow we begin rehearsals for out first show; Lion in the Streets by Judith Thompson. I have been looking forward to this moment since I returned to Montreal, the play is a gritty, psycho-sexual piece that is raw and unforgiving and I cannot wait to sink my teeth into the text and bring it to life with my classmates and Ravi Jain, our Director. I have spent most of my Sunday preparing my script and readying myself for the week. Lion in the Streets is premiering in the Hydro-Quebec Studio space at the Monument-Nationale, October 22nd.

Also, BONE DEEP opened at the Atlantic Film Festival on the 14th to a sold out crowd, and I have received a lot of praise for my performance. I am extremely proud of the film, a lot of heart went into it. I hope that people continue walking out feeling just how much.

I need to sleep.

Night Abyss :)

Live Big. Be Big.

Hey Abyss,

I'm back in Montreal!

It's surreal to me that school is back in session tomorrow. I am really looking forward to seeing everyone again and finding out more about the first show: Lion In the Streets by Judith Thompson. We have already been contacted by the costume designer and my classmates and I are getting our measurements taken tomorrow, which is just -- nuts. I remember sitting in 1st year watching the 3rd years and thinking that I had such a long road ahead of me before I could grace the Monument stage.

And now, here I am!

Shift --> Towards the end of last week I was fortunate enough to grab a coffee with Cory Bowles after he wrapped up his directorial duties on the Trailer Park Boys, Season 8. A few weeks ago I had never had the chance to meet Cory, we had only really talked via Twitter and Facebook, but I am so glad that he agreed to meet with me. See, we are both from Truro, Nova Scotia and he has accomplished a lot in his career (take a gander above) and I continue to be inspired by him and his dedication to making outstanding work.

In our conversation we talked a lot about how when artistic communities start to get sedentary it inevitably lowers the standard of artistic output which then alters what the general public considers "worth their money". This then leads the artists into a decline in commitment to the work and therefore no need to do challenging work, which is extremely dangerous. This conclusion lead us to talk about Cory's career and how he always strives for the top. Every project he involves himself with he aims to win. He puts a copious amount of time and work into making sure that it is his best output possible in that moment. Now, of course no one can achieve complete perfection but what is the harm in trying!

This brings me to my post-point: Why not just set an impossible goal for yourself and strive toward it every day? That may seem ludicrous...but in fact if you keep your standard of work and goals up consistently, then you simply can't fail. You only have to try harder then you did yesterday, make more connections, dedicate more time to challenging yourself artistically, challenge yourself to dedicate more time to your art. And then when people tell you it won't work, prove them wrong.

The only way we can fail is telling ourselves that we will.

And likewise for the opposite.

It is this ideology that I am trying hard to implement in myself, because at the end of my life am I going to be happy that I half-assed a lot of things and only cared about a few. Or am I going to have a fuller life by dedicating every ounce of myself to every project I choose? I, think the latter. Of course, I am realistic and there are going to be things that I loathe and complain about, but in those instances I should prove to myself that I may be cutting myself off from learning something from those experiences. I would rather walk away educated than depressed and mentally exhausted from complaining.

So, if we want big things to happen to us, then we have to think big and do what we want, not what everyone thinks might be best. Surprise ourselves, take chances, learn from our mistakes, laugh at ourselves and STOP OVER-THINKING because that only leads to making excuses for not trying. And I am the living example of that. I have cut myself out of so many experiences because I needed to analyze every potential outcome and ended up missing the boat and ticking off everyone around me.

But alas, things will change!

Right now, I want to bring attention to the fact that All the Wrong Reasons is premiering at the Toronto International Film Festival to a sold out audience on the 8th! And, for those of you who may have missed it,  I am featured in the trailer for the film which was uploaded by Entertainment Weekly earlier last week.

All the Wrong Reasons Trailer!

Also, the short film BONE DEEP, which I am headlining, premieres next week at the Atlantic Film Festival in Halifax, Nova Scotia!

That is all for now, got to get some sleep before school tomorrow!

Night Abyss.

He Can Be Taught!

Hey Abyss,

I am currently looking over all the posts that I have written this summer and am surprised at how quickly it has all gone by. It seems like just yesterday I was leaving for Ottawa and now here I am leaving for Montreal in 8 days!

The older I get the quicker time passes.

As I am reading and recalling these last 4 months I am really proud of what conclusions I have come too, and the goals I have set for myself going into my 3rd and FINAL year at the National Theatre School of Canada. No longer will I be able to say, that's where I am going, or that I have one more year left.

Now, life as a "Big Actor" begins.

Everything we do this year is in preparation for us moving into the real world, away from our protective walls where we always have opportunities and roles to play with. Where people are constantly supporting us regardless of our behaviour and flaws. Where we have the freedom to fail and retry until we understand and make progress. It all comes down to these last few months, we will never have these beautiful and gracious times again.

Things change and become necessity rather than compliance. Discipline has to start coming from within, not from watching everyone else. The abilities that we have perfected (or neglected) become our meal ticket. Huge studio spaces now transform into small bachelor apartments, and collaborators go back to their community instead of coming to ours.

This all might sound depressing and morbid, but for me it is a realization and a motivator to take advantage of every opportunity I have left this year. To learn as much as I can from every person who walks through those doors, to be open to change and possibility. To expand the way I think and work. To hold that certificate in May and know that I did everything I possibly could to get the education I deserved. Now, I know that this school is not the end all and be all. I know that I will continue to learn from every team and person I work with until the day I die.

But I have goals, as usual.

To summarize: Upon completion I want to have a strong idea of what I am capable of and where I still have room to grow, I want to listen and hear everything. I want to stay positive, even in the desperate times. I want to encourage and promote my classmates instead of bringing them down. I want to create strong and compelling work with every role I get, not just the ones I like. I want to make good impression and stay connected with the people who inspire me. I want to continue working on my self discipline and making sure I will always take care of myself in Mind, Body and Soul.

I know for those of you reading this you are like, "Wow, this kid is really setting himself up for disappointment...that's a lot of goals to fulfil in 8 months..."

I am aware. I like having a check list to work from. I have had so many great (and no so great) experiences this summer that I feel like I have, deeply, changed for the better. I have come to some huge realizations about myself and cannot wait to put them into action in a setting that I have known for two years. This is my time to prove that I am more than capable of this career and I that I will fight to keep it.

BOOM!

Also, great news All the Wrong Reason's will be making its world premiere at TIFF this year! If you are in the area check me out as the Laughing Clerk. And, this weekend I was able to see a rough cut of BONE DEEP (the short film I was in towards the start of the summer) and I am really impressed with how it turned out and cannot wait for it to premiere here in Halifax at the Atlantic Film Festival! 

That's all for tonight; I'm on a Digimon kick. Thanks Netflix.

Night Abyss.

evolve.

Hey Abyss,

I just got back from Guysborough and teaching at Mulgrave Road Theatre's Drama Camp. I always forget how peaceful it is there. Everything is so calm and serene, it is quite relaxing and I loved the moments when I would just watch the water move the docked boats around on the marina. Simplicity is slowly becoming soothing for me.

I am in Truro, now, for three weeks to teach at the Marigold Centre and also spend some much needed time with my friends and family. I have really missed them over the last few months. Teaching at the Marigold is one of my favourite parts of the summer because it brings me back to my home town and I have been teaching most of the kids for the last couple years. Being able to see them grow both physically and artistically is always a joy.

And...tangent.

I have been thinking a lot about artistry, and what mine could potentially be, especially as I am coming to the end of my educational career (for now). I suppose what I am trying to figure out is what my voice is. What do I want to say? How do I want to affect people, what projects specifically interest me, rather than leaping at every opportunity that comes forward? Perhaps I am not at the point where I can choose what things to be involved in, perhaps I need to be exposed to more projects and people before I can start to define my vision. And that, of course, brings up the idea of, "Do I really need to define myself, can't I just keep doing what I'm doing?"

I was given a book, called Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon, by my friend Sebastien Heins before I left Toronto a few weeks ago. Although it's a small book, it really got me thinking about what I want to do as an actor. Do I want to just keep auditioning for everything and never form a true artistic vision for myself? Or do I wait to have an artistry before I choose my next project?  The book did not answer any of these questions specifically, but the book did bring up the point of nothing being original, everything is inspired by something. And if something is said to be truly original "then they are not citing the inspirations properly". I like this idea, it takes off the pressure of having to be "different" or "original". See, as artists we gather inspiration from other mediums and it is the combination of the mediums that make something "original" or "different".

This idea makes me feel a lot less intimidated.

I have to make the art that I don't see, by combining the things I love and putting them into the world. I feel like success comes from when a particular combination of artistries connect with the public, or the audience. When I think about all the extremely influential artists to myself, either famous or not, most have a pretty defined artistry.

Because I have been on a Beyoncé jag for the last two months, Imma just keep goin'. Beyoncé, in my opinion, is an artist. Her music, as I have said, isn't that deep. Lyrically its very simple and usually about loving someone, leaving someone, being a strong woman or impressing YO' MAN. But the brand that she has created for herself has been, frankly, making her iconic. People just respect her, they know how hard she works, they see her dedication and her vocal abilities. Most people aren't even die hard fans, they just know what she monopolizes and no one else can touch it.

Cause she da QUEEN.

But in all seriousness, most of the artists that have or are leaving an impact on the world have specialized in something specific that we (the people) haven't seen before. But this is because they are combining different combinations of mediums and showing them to us in a new and original way.

So, conclusively I think I need to do just this. And on that journey for the bait I think I will discover what my artistry is and what I want to say.

I just finished reading the first show we are doing this year, Lion in the Streets by Judith Thompson, and I so stoked to see how Ravi Jain makes it come alive!

It has also come about recently that All the Wrong Reasons will be playing at TIFF 2013! For those of you keeping track this is the second film I have been part of that is an official selection at TIFF; pretty exciting.



Night Abyss!

Get Me to the Ocean

Hey Abyss,

This is my last week in Nova Scotia before I head back to Montreal in prep for school, which starts on the 4th.

I finish my final week at The Marigold Centre with a great group of kids tomorrow. They have been awesome to work with, really open to my weird suggestions and are very creative. It has been a joy to spend my last week with them.

I only hope that I have inspired them enough to come back next year and hopefully have given them some direction in their own careers. They have certainly taught me a lot.

Filming Mr. D, last week was a good time. I ended up not having any lines which was disappointing, but am on screen quite a bit (basically glorified background; you have to start somewhere). Everyone was super nice on set and treated me with the upmost respect, which was really nice. Most of the crew recognized me from last year and we really interested in how school had gone for me, which was really cool.

One of the best parts of working in Halifax is that it is almost always the same crew members working on the sets, which creates some good relationships and contacts. Although the character 'return' was not exactly what I anticipated I am still extremely grateful for the opportunity to return to the show.

Here is hoping to a third season, and perhaps an expansion on my story line!

I have high hopes!

Some recent good news is that Blackbird (the film I shot last summer) is also part of the Atlantic Film Festival in Halifax, Nova Scotia and the Cinefest Sudbury International Film Festival in Ontario.

So the film is going to be seen by quite a few people and get quite a bit of coverage.

The dates so far are September 9th at 9:45pm and the 10th at 2pm for TIFF.

September 16th at 7:10pm at Parklane Mall in Halifax for the AFF.

And for the Cinefest check out here: http://cinefest.com/tempfilmsandschedule/

I feel so blessed to have this film playing so many places and perhaps you can catch me at one of these festivals on the big screen!

I am going off the grid for the next 4 days, because my girlfriend and I are going on vacation before I take off for a while. You can still tweet to me @wayne_burns and continue to check out my IMDB!

Night Abyss

Up and Down We Go

Hey Abyss,

This week has been an interesting one.

I received some good news on Friday about finally getting rid of my old apartment in Montreal, which has been a dark cloud over my unprotected head for about 3 months. Now, all I have is the one place and I am stoked, because three apartments is far too much for a actor/student to have!

I went back to Halifax on the weekend and had a great dinner with my girlfriend and our friends, which was a much needed relaxation time. It was great to just come back and not worry about anything. The downside is that since I was in such a carefree and positive mood I spent far too much money and am kind of in a pinch this week.

H&M was/continues to kill my bank account.

I felt I owed it to myself to buy at least a shirt due to my lack of spending this summer.

So I caved.

Then to my disappointment I found out today that I am not receiving the paycheque amount I anticipated from All The Wrong Reasons, and there is not as many kids at my camp as there was supposed to be. So, I am in a 'financial' pickle at the current moment, but nothing that isn't still considered a first world problem.

Today I also found out that my character isn't being brought back on Mr. D with lines, I am really only being brought back as a glorified extra. This was disappointing to me as I thought that I was going to have some more interactions, like last season.

Apparently not.

I still get paid the same, but it is honestly the coverage that makes me happy. Now, the show is very much improvised on the day and so there may be opportunity to create some dialogue, and I am all about opportunities,  but I am not holding out for anything. At this point I am just grateful to be making some extra money.

This is kind of a depressing and pathetic post, alas, this is all I have right now.

Remember to follow me on twitter @wayne_burns and check out my IMDB I added pictures!!

Night Abyss

Passion > Work

Hey Abyss,

Last time I posted it was raining and coincidentally it is also raining now, providing for the perfect opportunity to write and be studious. I am going to proceed down this road now.

Yesterday morning I travelled to the set of All The Wrong Reasons, starring Cory Monteith AKA Finn Hudson from Glee,  Kevin Zegers from Gossip Girl and Air Bud and a lot of other talented people. My scene (one HUGE line) was with Cory. I was stoked to meet him and one: confirm we was actually as tall as people have said, and two: See if he was a genuine as people had said.

Well the people were right on both counts.

The set was had an awesome feel to it, everything was really chill and the cast and crew were in really great moods despise the fact that they had been doing 7 days of night shoots that took them into the wee hours of the morning. This project was the directors first feature film and she was so pumped to see her bring child coming to life. Awesomely enough the director is from New Brunswick, so kudos to fellow Maritimer Gia Milani!

While preparing for the scene Cory and I got to talking about where I go to school, the National Theatre School of Canada, and he said that he had wanted to go there when he was my age and also mentioned that his mentor graduated from there. Throughout the shoot we continued to talk and Cory ended up offering me a drive back home.

On the drive home we talked about the projection of his career and how he was envious of the fact that I am getting to study where I am, as well as his life before and after Glee and how he wants to get back to the thing he loves which is making quality films (something I have huge respect for and share in the dream of). He told me about his life in Vancouver and offered me his email to keep him updated on my life and if I ever move to Vancouver to let him know.

He told me that the reason he wanted to drive me home was because he saw something in me and wanted to talk about what I had in store for myself. I felt so honoured to ride home in a car with someone who has reached the pinnacle of fame and still longs to make quality art and, of course, has rubbed shoulders with the big guys at the Oscars.

He is truly a humble and grateful person and it inspired me to make sure to always have my morals no matter where life chooses to take me.

The movie is scheduled to come to Canadian Theatres next year and will then be making a TV debut.

Here are some notable links about the movie and those involved:

http://www.shoreroadpictures.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=97&Itemid=104
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/glees-cory-monteith-kevin-zegers-355804

Night Abyss

Focus

Hey Abyss,

Not much has happened since my last entry, I have't heard back from the Haven audition that I submitted on Thursday of last week.

I am going to say its dead in the water, unfortunately. I guess it just wasn't my role. There will always be more!

I am back from teaching now and have two weeks before I start back up again in Truro at The Marigold Centre. I am excited to work back in my community again.

Yesterday I bussed down to Truro for an interview with Lenore Zann about theatre in Truro and how it is growing and the demand for it. It was awesome to have a chance to talk to Lenore about such progression and compare stories and have her voice such a positive insight into my own journey. She is local proof that it doesn't matter where you come from you can be successful if you believe.

It is this thought that continues to push me.

I went with my girlfriend to see The Dark Knight Rises last night and was yet again inspired to keep pushing to get there; in quality films. I am determined to make a name for myself, if not just in Nova Scotia but in Canada and wherever else will have me!

I have to continually keep reminding myself that the next two years are dedicated to my education and then my career can start full force. It is difficult to acknowledge that, but it is necessary. I have learned so much from this year and am only looking forward to becoming better and more aligned. I also have to keep reminding myself what things I have accomplished so far, which is a lot in a short period of time, and to relax and let things continue to come and focus on what is in front of me.

Right now I am focusing on my one line in All The Wrong Reasons that I say to Corey Monteith. Its been a struggle.

Thats all for now Abyss,

Night

When it Rains, It Pours.

Hey Abyss,

On Friday of last week I had an audition for a new film in Halifax called All the Wrong Reasons. I booked the part and am excited to say that I will be sharing a set with Corey Monteith, Adam Brody, Sarah Gadon, Emily Hampshire, Kevin Zegers and Denis Theriualt.

I am beyond stoked.

Hopefully I will get to meet them.

Now the reason for the title today is due to the fact that since being in Guysborough teaching drama to kids I have had more auditions offers then the rest of the summer.

Isn't that the way.

As soon as you are unavailable things start popping up. Luckily my agents are the best and are completely accommodating. Tomorrow morning I am auditioning for Haven yet again.

This is about my 7th time in three seasons. It is for two characters and I am learning the sides as we speak. It would be awesome to nab one of the roles because it films exactly when I am in between teaching jobs.

I was really worried that this summer I wouldn't work as much as I did last summer, but that seems to be perking up. Things have really be working out awesome in the last few days, which ties into my last post of when we stop stressing about life and what it holds for us, it can bring some wonderful opportunities to the table.

The kids I have been teaching this week have been really great and have been teaching me a lot about myself, which is always a plus. I sometimes forget how smart kids are, they are clever and always keep me on my toes. Tomorrow we are choreographing a piece together to prepare them for their performance on Friday and I am excited to see how they will react to being on an actual stage this year (last year we were in a community hall).

I am so happy with how things are going in my life right now, and I really looking forward to taking the happiness and inspiration back to school with me. I feel this year is going to be an important one developmentally and I am ready for the challenge.

Thanks for listening and follow me on Twitter @wayne_burns, and check out my IMDB.

All the Wrong Reasons --> http://seaandbescene.com/2012/07/all-the-wrong-reasons-filming-in-halifax/

Night Abyss