Salt Water.

I have spent the last 5 days relaxing and reflecting. 

A much needed activity. 

I was on the bus yesterday and the only other passenger was an elderly woman. I had put my money in the fare counter and asked if she would corroborate my story (that I paid) if the driver came back and was suspicious. She said she would and I asked her about her day. In a matter of 10 minutes she had told me about her childhood travelling the coast of Oregon and how much her friends had became her family in recent years after her parents died. She embodied happiness for me. Here she was simply riding the bus to see where it would take her. She had her book, time and was ready for an adventure. It made me step back and think about the experiences I'm missing out on by rushing around not being present. 

I have had this wonderful opportunity presented to me, and although I am having the time of my life and meeting remarkable people, I find myself thinking about what needs to happen when this dream sequence ends: What is the next phase of my career? Where is my next paycheque coming from? Who do I need to meet next? Granted, these are all important questions for an actor to ask, but not as important as focusing on what is in front of me. 

When my class was working with Joe Ziegler, on A Midsummer Night's Dream, I had booked a short film, Bone Deep, back in Halifax while playing Theseus in the show. Joe generously said I could leave to shoot the film that weekend, but then the next day when we were working my scenes I was completely unprepared due to my preoccupation with the film. My work in the show suffered and Joe felt taken advantage of. After all was said and done he said this to me, "Do your best with what you have right now. Then when that is over, you can move onto the next thing." As it was before, it now has to become my mantra again. 

A few days ago I went to the beach and as soon as my feet hit the water my worries just slid off of me. I forget how soul cleansing it is. Perhaps it is the maritimer in me, but nothing eases my tensions more than the ocean. While I was treading water I thought about how simple my life could be if I just let go of all these trivial agendas. Being in that water, not only showed me how out of shape I am, but also how glorious it is to just be here, now. 

The people that I've caught up with are all at similar points in their life; feeling bogged down about their career paths or the need to keep up with the Jones'. If I'm learning anything lately it's that everyone has to forge their own paths. Trying to compare oneself with someone else is useless and ultimately thieving the joy from ones life. 

"Gratitude is the antidote to misery." - Robin Sharma

I have been working on incorporating this quote into all facets of my life and it has only brought positive experiences to me. Every person I have met and conversed with over the last few weeks has been nothing short of generous and insightful. The amount of people who have met me with generosity simply because I have taken the time to be real with them, listen to them speak about their lives and offer my advice, is huge. There is so much more to generosity than monetary gain, and my soul feels warmer because of it. 

If life is a series of experiences rather than number of years on the Earth, I really want to give every person and opportunity the time they deserve. I watched a wonderful Ted Talk the other night that spoke about how we need to focus more on our relationships and the legacy we are leaving behind rather than all of the superficial things that pollute our day-to-day lives. 

I couldn't agree more.  

W.

Escape

Hey Abyss,


Today was one of the first days over the last month that I have had time to myself. Clearly.

I have been all over the map both figuratively and literally lately and haven't had a good chunk of time to sit down and write something cohesive. Here I sit, drinking a smoothie and listing to Alabama Shakes (pun intended), and I am going to try and stay focussed enough to give a full report of what I has happened lately.

First things first, it needs to be Spring. I am tired of Winter. I find myself perpetually in long underwear and 3 layers of clothing. And frankly, there is only so many times I can wear the same sweater before I feel like cartoon and not a young man who has invested in his wardrobe.

From March 16th to the 22nd my class and I were in Toronto filming a short that was directed by Paul Gross, it was a stellar project for me. I was the "lead" character in the film which was a challenge for me in many ways: It was great to feel what it is like to hold a film, to constantly be on screen and how to develop an arch throughout the shoot. It was something that I haven't had the opportunity to do in any of the shows here at the school so it was great to finally feel that. Paul was a great director for me and had a very clear idea of what he wanted from me and the character which helped me to solidify my own ideas of who the character was. I was on set for about 36 hours out of the 3 days we were shooting and it wasn't really until the final day of shooting that I felt back at home on set and felt confident in what I was doing. Although it hasn't been THAT long since I was on a film set it was a different vibe, as each one is. The crew was fantastic and were all really great people who genuinely wanted to create something meaningful. Everyone was positive and seemed to be enjoying their job. All of the crew were professional and had worked with Paul on one occasion or another, so it really allowed us as a class to focus on our process and how to adjust to this "new medium".

I struggled the most with the idea of trusting that my work was coming through on camera. There were moments where Paul would get frustrated because it seemed like I couldn't follow simple directions like: "slow down and then when you get to the pole run across the street." When what was happening in my mind was that I had become so preoccupied with staying true to the character that I would hear the direction but then not be able to execute it. It's seems simple. and it is once I started trusting that my work was shining through. Eventually on the third day of filming, and one of the final shots of the day I found a connection with the camera, suddenly we were in sync and I discovered the rush that comes from playing with the camera. I didn't have to worry about anything anymore I just lived, as the character, and was aware of the camera. Instead of ignoring it or being scared of it.

Paul is such an awesome resource and an extremely generous man, who just made the whole experience that much more incredible. To know how much respect he has for the art and the people involved with crafting it was really inspiring. Here is a man that is one of Canada's darlings who has had a long and lucrative career still excited about what he does and has positive and insightful stories.   I really appreciated him taking the time that he did to prepare me for the industry and inform me of my habits and how to get them under wraps so I can push through and get what I want. After we wrapped, Paul took us to see what goes into the editing process and I was blown away by the amount of work that is required in post production. It, again, humbled me and made me realize how small my part is in the birth of a film. Looking back, I gained even more respect for all the aspects and energies that go into making a film, even a 15 minute one.

The few nights that I had to myself in Toronto, I got such a pleasure out of walking around the streets and imagining myself there in a few months. As I have said, I certainly don't want to rush my last few weeks here at the school, but at the same time I am ready to jump head first into the industry and never look back. I am anxious to meet new people and hear about other things besides the school and the drama within each class, including my own. I am tired of popularity contests and having to always get the right answer. I am tired of competing. Whether it is in my mind or not, I am exhausted with trying to give the most intellectual answers, and be the most clever person in the room all the time. I am tired of there constantly being a double edged sword; some people can do whatever they want, say whatever they want, but as soon as I do it's too far. I want to be separate from the unit that is my class. I want freedom, I want a life of my own. Every time I have been in Toronto over the last year I have gotten so excited about the possibilities that await me there.

This is not to say that I am not proud of my classmates, I am. Watching them on camera filled me with pride. Everyone in my class is talented, thats never been a question, but it is difficult to be surrounded by someone who might like you one day and have no patience for you the next. I feel like I am in a constant state of adaptation and I just want to be me, in all my forms, not just the ones that accommodate others. I am anxious to get out, but at the same time know that once I leave I will be wanting the security of these walls back. The schedule, although intense, is comforting. The student loans, although accumulating, make life easy.

This week we started our individual rehearsals for the New Words Festival, our class is divided and we work on the plays written by the 2 graduating playwrights. I am in The Circle, written by Geoffrey Brown and is being directed by Ann-Marie Kerr. I have been wanting to work with Ann-Marie for some time now, as she lives in Halifax and is married to Anthony Black, who in my opinion is one of the strongest artists in the maritimes. Rehearsal has been going wonderfully, Ann-Marie is so energetic and excited about the possibilities of this project and her positivity resonates with all of us in the cast. She makes me feel comfortable and able to just try things, rather than fitting into a box or getting things right. I have a lot of confidence that the piece is going to really mess with peoples expectations of both Geoff, as a writer, and the cast. I am really excited to cap my education off with a stellar show and well developed character and I know that Ann-Marie is leading us down that path.

I have made a lot of discoveries over the last few months and will hopefully have more time to chronicle them more regularly in the next few. I have singed with Lorraine Wells & Company in Toronto and both her and I are anxious to get my career in gear. I am working hard to get myself to the city as soon as possible post graduation, and that is where my journey will continue.

I am ready to escape.

Night Abyss


P.S. If you missed Bone Deep at the Atlantic Film Festival or have yet to see it at all, you can hop over to CBC and see the performance which garnered me an ACTRA Maritime Award nomination for Best Actor. I am extremely proud of this film and hope that you enjoy it.

http://www.cbc.ca/download/

This film was recently accepted into the NSI Online Short Film Festival, and who knows what will happen next!

Back to the Hood of Things.

Hey Abyss,

I want it to be known that I have attempted to write entries throughout these last few weeks chronicling the process of working on Our Countrys Good. Needless to say, my computer either messed up before I could save the entry, or I was tired, or I just couldn't think of anything reflective to say, etc. What I also want to be known is that this process has cracked me open in a way that I have been waiting for since second term of first year.

Better late than never.

Perhaps it was exactly what I needed; to be MIA for this process and really just allow it to permeate my brain and body rather than trying to put it into words. We have our preview tomorrow at the Monument National and I'm really excited to finally show an audience what we have been working on. As you may have read, I was extremely excited for this process to begin and I can honestly say I am not disappointed at all.

In short, I feel like I rediscovered why I love what I do. I found the fun in performing again. The freedom that comes by truly existing as another person, and how that momentary escape is addictive.

In long, it has been quite the journey so far and I am so happy that I am coming to terms with many of the issues I have had here. These last two years have been a struggle for me personally and artistically. I was recalling how confident I felt auditioning for the school and how I knew that I had something to offer, and that no one was going to stop me from achieving my dreams. Soon after getting in and meeting my class I saw how talented everyone was and became extremely judgmental and self-abusive. This kind of attitude stopped me from doing the work I loved, I would spend all of my energy in a competitive headspace and avoid looking inward and seeing how I could improve.

This summer I had many breakthroughs, which I have spoke about in previous posts. It was a very reflective and educational period for me and it has thankfully bled into this term. I am still in a state of reflection, as I am still discovering how to use every situation to discover something about myself and allow it to feed my work. There was a moment during this process (working on Our Countrys Good) where I became frustrated with myself because I knew what Tadeusz (our Director) was trying to get out of me, but for some reason I could not pull it out. It came down to the simple fact that I was over thinking and analyzing everything he was suggesting, rather than revelling in the ideas he had put forth. I was making my performance too precious. It was like I was holding an animal, but instead of just cuddling it I was squeezing it and it became uncomfortable and attempted to escape. It was only a few weeks ago I started to loosen my grip on the character and really let him live, but also loosen the grip on my expectations. It was then that I started to discover the pleasure in being him, and it has serendipitously brought back my passion and love for theatre, live performance, and attempt at being truly entertaining.

I feel so blessed to have had this moment and I can't wait to spend all week with Robert Sideway, but I can't help but ask myself, "why did it take me so long to rediscover what I had before coming to this school?" The conclusion I have come to is simply that I needed to be blown apart before I could be built back up. I had come to acting as a kid as a form of escapism and avoidance of difficult times in my life. And now that I have sunk to the lowest point, thus far, and re-evaluated who I am as a human I can approach acting from a healthier more self aware way. I never used to care about judgement or failure before coming to school, and I deeply want to exit it the same way.

My mom once said to me, "How can you play another person if you don't know yourself?" It has taken me until this point to truly feel what this means. Of course people want to be aware of themselves and confident in who they are, but to actually get on the path that will lead you there is hard to find. The month of November was a difficult one for me to get through in many facets, but at the same time it has been the most transformative and insightful this year. The progress that I have been wishing for is finally starting to happen and I am greeting it with open arms.

I apologize for not being more explicit with my process throughout the rehearsal, but I felt that the above was something that I really needed to say.

If you are going to be around Montreal for the next week I highly recommend paying 9 bucks to see Our Countrys Good playing from the 10th-14th at the Monument National.

The premiere of Bone Deep was moved from November 16th to an unknown date. Hopefully a new date will be reassigned soon. I am really excited to share it.

If you have yet to see Blackbird you can now buy or rent it on iTunes.

Now to get some rest.

Night Abyss.

Photo Credit: Stephen Tracey

Doubt.

Hey Abyss,


Tomorrow I, along with my class, will be heading into rehearsal for the second show of our graduate season: Our Country's Good by Timberlake Weretenbaker. I am not really sure why, but I am extremely excited for this process. My class and I had the opportunity to see Tadeusz Bradecki's work at the Shaw Festival earlier this year, as he also directed Guys & Dolls. I had a blast at the show, and perhaps that is why I am so excited to work with him. Although, there is a difference between a 1950's musical and a historical piece that is set in 1788, Australia.

This week we were working with Jackie Maxwell, who is the Artistic Director of the Shaw Festival, on scenes from Three Sisters. The class was intended more for the 2 directing program students, and focused on balancing crowds on the stage through dynamic and relationships, which in turn continues to feed the actors. It was an interesting experience and helped me to not just see my relationship to the other characters, but also the big picture and how there can be a domino effect. Working with Jackie was great. She is super chill and really easy to talk to, which surprised me. Personally, I have always been rather intimidated by AD's, so that fact that she was extremely approachable and kind made working with her a breeze and began to debunk my theories.

Her class was the only one we had which made it a pretty lax week, in terms of NTS. We finally got a full two day weekend after  Lion in the Streets and we had another one this weekend, which I assume was to be used to prep for Our Country's Good. Needless to say, I used the time to breathe and actually get some of my "everyday" things done.

This past Friday, the student body went to the Monument National to be privy to the reception of this years winners of the Gascon-Thomas Awards: Colm Feore and Suzanne Lebeau. Both of them are extremely inspiring and talented artists and if you don't know who they are, I recommend clicking their names and finding out.

Colm said some really pertinent things, in his seemly improvised speech, that have continued to resonate with me over the weekend. He spoke about preparedness in the young actor, and how it is essential for survival to be constantly honing your craft. How at any moment one must be ready to do what is asked. That is the key to getting work and having longevity. One must invest and prove that they are capable and ready. 

Honestly, I couldn't agree more with him.

But as I nodded my head in compliance with his bold and energetic speech, I came to the realization that I needed to work harder. Now, I always work hard in the moment, that has never been a problem whether on stage or behind the camera. The work that Colm was speaking about was when no one is looking, when there is no one to be accountable to other than yourself and your bank account. And in that moment listening to Colm, I saw how lazy I can be. In the past, I have blamed it on the busy schedule we have at the school, or that I am tired and have other things that need my focus. But actually, nothing needs my focus more than my career. And that is the truth.

Along with this acceptance of my lazy tendencies, I have also accepted that I need to stop doubting myself as an actor. It is a continued process of relinquishing control, and now running along side that is my abandon of self doubt. There is nothing wrong or arrogant with knowing that I have something to offer, that I have talent. I can accept that I may not know what my artistic vision is yet, or what deeply motivates me to create, but I do know that I have something unique to bring to the table and I am good at what I do, which is being an actor. And accepting that is a huge step. I have doubted my abilities and strengths since first year, and it is only now that I can see that I do have them, and I am special, despite the cliché of that sentence.

Heading into Our Country's Good with this state of mind, and my excitement for the work that is to be done with this show makes me feel extremely confident about the next few months and my progression in my final year at NTS.

As my conversation ended with Colm he said to me, "When we meet again, make sure to remind me that we met here in the lobby of the Monument." I replied, "Don't worry, I will."

Great News: All the Wrong Reasons had it's Canadian theatrical release and is playing in all the major cities make sure you get out to see this amazing film featuring the Canadian talents of Karine Vanesse, Emily Hampshire, Kevin Zegers and the late Cory Monteith. Oh, and keep your eyes peeled for yours truly. You can check locations here --> Showtimes

Also, as a reminder, on Novemeber 16th, BONE DEEP will premiere on CBC for your watching pleasure, and it will be uploaded to iTunes later that day if you don't have cable. I was nominated for an ACTRA award for my performance, so if you like me, you might like the film!

Night Abyss.

It's Morphing Time.

Hey,

These last few weeks have been insane with getting Lion in the Streets up, so I apologize for the lack of inner thoughts from me lately.

Not to worry, you will get your fill right now!

We had our preview tonight and it went well, considering how nervous I was. I am really looking forward to the run this week, I feel like my classmates and I have really risen to the challenge of this piece and are doing phenomenal work. I'm really proud of the show. I find the longer I spend with something, a play, a character, the more love I feel towards it. This play is a really hard one to love because of all the atrocity, but I have grown really fond of it. Ravi has been excellent to work with, his young energy has been really refreshing in the room. He has really made this show work visually, his confidence in his ideas really allowed us to play, which I, personally, don't feel we have had the opportunity to do in a show yet.  I really wouldn't have wanted this process to be anything than what it was. It has been an amazing opportunity to work with Ravi, and I hope it isn't the last time.

Starting out this year, I was really aiming to open myself up to processes and just be calm. I am discovering success in both of theses avenues. It has been such a relief to stop worrying about things I cannot control, of course there are going to be things that bother me, or irritate me. But, overall it's just been so relaxing to leave school at school and come home and live my life for me. Before, I found myself needing to do all this meaningless research and putting my energy into stressing about class drama instead of actually working and focusing on what was needed at that time. This year, I come home and I work for a bit and then I relax and enjoy. It seems simple but it has given me so much freedom. I will always have control issues, I am an Aries, but that doesn't mean that I can't let go of the things that I really have no say in. And accepting that has been a huge step for me.

I feel really happy and healthy this year, I promised that I would take care of myself Mind, Body, Spirit and I have been! It has been so great to simple focus on those things, when you take care of yourself: eating well, exercising regularly, etc. you feel the benefits quickly, seriously. It has feed my work and made me relax in a lot of departments. As cheesy as it sounds, I am becoming the person I have wanted to be for the last 2 years. And I cannot think of a better time to come into my own. This year is already blazing by and I can honestly say I am only worried about one thing, and that is what happens after.

Over the last few weeks, I have been asked, "So...what are the plans after you graduate? "This is a pretty normal question, but the problem is I seriously don't have an answer. I have no sweet clue what is happening after I graduate. There are obviously things that I am interested in and projects I would love to be a part of, but once this year ends I have to uproot myself from Montreal and pick where I take my stuff. It is daunting. I'm aware that I can only take it one day at a time and just keep sending out my antenna for possible opportunities, but it is the one thing that is regularly on my mind and what truly worries me most. In the end, all I can do is good work,  and eventually someone will take notice. What's encouraging is that I am good at something that I feel passionate about, and all of the other students that graduate this year are in the same boat "What happens after?"

So, at least I am not alone.

Speaking of not being alone, if you have live/know anyone who lives in Montreal, please spread the word about the show. You can get all the details from the link above. The more people we have at our performances the better an experience this year will be. I am so excited to see how the run goes and what things will change and grow. This year is shaping up wonderfully. I am blessed.

In recent news, I was nominated for Best Actor in a Short Film at the ACTRA awards a few weeks ago, I felt so honoured to be up against some veterans in the industry and that people thought highly enough of my performance in Bone Deep to nominate me. It would have been nice to win, but losing so someone who inspires you isn't really a loss. In my eyes, it was an honour, and I still have many more opportunities to show my skills ahead of me.

Bone Deep is premiering on CBC November 16th, and will be uploaded to iTunes to rent or purchase later that day!

All the Wrong Reason's played in Montreal last week and I was so upset that I had to miss it, but tech week for the show was extremely demanding (time-wise). It is so wonderful that it's getting attention, it is truly deserving of it. Also, if you missed the opportunity to see Blackbird, my previous film, you can now buy it on iTunes by clicking here: http://blackbirdthefilm.com/screenings/

If you live in Parrsboro, Nova Scotia you can see Blackbird on the big screen as part of the Parrsboro Film Festival this weekend!

That is all for now,

Night Abyss.

What is My Life?

Hey Abyss,

These last two weeks have gone by faster than a jar of  Kraft Crunchy Peanut Butter in my cupboard.

As you may know, last weekend I had the opportunity to go to the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) premiere of All the Wrong Reasons and had an absolute blast. I took a bus up on Saturday evening after class and arrived Sunday morning at 1:45 a.m. Then I slept at my friends place, caught up with another friend of mine for lunch downtown, then went down to the premiere, which was playing at the Scotiabank Theatre. I have never seen a bigger movie theatre, it was huge and sold out to boot. I took my seat with the rest of the cast and crew and proceeded to watch the film that had been a year in the making.

All the Wrong Reasons was a beautiful exploration of real relationships and issues and how they affect  every day people and their lives. Gia Milani executed it so gracefully, I found myself getting completely invested into the lives of the characters, despite having read the script previously. Karine Vanesse's performance was stunning as a woman who is suffering from PTSD and trying to keep her marriage together. She is married to the late Cory Monteith, who completely pulls off the middle aged store manager longing for a change in his life.  Kevin Zegers also surprised me with his ability to transform into a recently injured fire fighter working to get his life back. They all did a phenomenal job bringing life to the screenplay Gia had written.

After the film, Karine, Gia, Emily Hampshire, Denis Theriault and myself headed out to the after party, but not before seeing James Franco getting his photos taken right in front of us! The after party was at this swanky place called the C-Lounge and as we entered Adrian Brody was leaving with his entourage. Looking back, the best part about the party (besides the amazing free food and open bar) was that there were so many Nova Scotian's there. At first, I felt like I fish out of water surrounded by all these people associated with the Film & Entertainment industry, but as I walked around and investigated (while continuously eating sliders and sushi) I found my community! It was so wonderful to see so many familiar faces and made me ease right into the situation and have an absolute blast. The whole evening was surreal to me and made me feel like Cinderella, especially since I had to dart off back to Montreal at midnight.

I arrived in Montreal around 7 a.m. Monday morning, and went to class still wired off the events that had happened only a few hours ago. That week we worked with Andrew Shaver for 3 days on creating our Voice Over demos. He is an extremely cool guy, and the voice of Subway, and brought in a lot of his friends including Danny Brochu (The voice of Buster Baxter from Arthur) from the Radio, Television, Video Game and Animation world to answer our many questions about the industry and how to transition into it. I really hope he is able to come back to teach us later this year, I had a blast getting in the studio and messing around with voices sound effects. After working with Andrew and his friends I am seriously considering Voice Over work as an endeavour.

This morning I arrived back with my classmates, we just spent two days in Niagara-on-the-Lake seeing 5 shows at the Shaw Festival. I really enjoyed myself and the vibe I got from the Festival. We had the chance to speak with a panel of actors from the company who were extremely inspiring. They had such great advice and really made me feel positive about the choices I am making as an emerging actor. We had the pleasure of seeing Major Barbara, Peace in Our Time, Trifles, and Guys & Dolls. 

Tomorrow we begin rehearsals for out first show; Lion in the Streets by Judith Thompson. I have been looking forward to this moment since I returned to Montreal, the play is a gritty, psycho-sexual piece that is raw and unforgiving and I cannot wait to sink my teeth into the text and bring it to life with my classmates and Ravi Jain, our Director. I have spent most of my Sunday preparing my script and readying myself for the week. Lion in the Streets is premiering in the Hydro-Quebec Studio space at the Monument-Nationale, October 22nd.

Also, BONE DEEP opened at the Atlantic Film Festival on the 14th to a sold out crowd, and I have received a lot of praise for my performance. I am extremely proud of the film, a lot of heart went into it. I hope that people continue walking out feeling just how much.

I need to sleep.

Night Abyss :)

Live Big. Be Big.

Hey Abyss,

I'm back in Montreal!

It's surreal to me that school is back in session tomorrow. I am really looking forward to seeing everyone again and finding out more about the first show: Lion In the Streets by Judith Thompson. We have already been contacted by the costume designer and my classmates and I are getting our measurements taken tomorrow, which is just -- nuts. I remember sitting in 1st year watching the 3rd years and thinking that I had such a long road ahead of me before I could grace the Monument stage.

And now, here I am!

Shift --> Towards the end of last week I was fortunate enough to grab a coffee with Cory Bowles after he wrapped up his directorial duties on the Trailer Park Boys, Season 8. A few weeks ago I had never had the chance to meet Cory, we had only really talked via Twitter and Facebook, but I am so glad that he agreed to meet with me. See, we are both from Truro, Nova Scotia and he has accomplished a lot in his career (take a gander above) and I continue to be inspired by him and his dedication to making outstanding work.

In our conversation we talked a lot about how when artistic communities start to get sedentary it inevitably lowers the standard of artistic output which then alters what the general public considers "worth their money". This then leads the artists into a decline in commitment to the work and therefore no need to do challenging work, which is extremely dangerous. This conclusion lead us to talk about Cory's career and how he always strives for the top. Every project he involves himself with he aims to win. He puts a copious amount of time and work into making sure that it is his best output possible in that moment. Now, of course no one can achieve complete perfection but what is the harm in trying!

This brings me to my post-point: Why not just set an impossible goal for yourself and strive toward it every day? That may seem ludicrous...but in fact if you keep your standard of work and goals up consistently, then you simply can't fail. You only have to try harder then you did yesterday, make more connections, dedicate more time to challenging yourself artistically, challenge yourself to dedicate more time to your art. And then when people tell you it won't work, prove them wrong.

The only way we can fail is telling ourselves that we will.

And likewise for the opposite.

It is this ideology that I am trying hard to implement in myself, because at the end of my life am I going to be happy that I half-assed a lot of things and only cared about a few. Or am I going to have a fuller life by dedicating every ounce of myself to every project I choose? I, think the latter. Of course, I am realistic and there are going to be things that I loathe and complain about, but in those instances I should prove to myself that I may be cutting myself off from learning something from those experiences. I would rather walk away educated than depressed and mentally exhausted from complaining.

So, if we want big things to happen to us, then we have to think big and do what we want, not what everyone thinks might be best. Surprise ourselves, take chances, learn from our mistakes, laugh at ourselves and STOP OVER-THINKING because that only leads to making excuses for not trying. And I am the living example of that. I have cut myself out of so many experiences because I needed to analyze every potential outcome and ended up missing the boat and ticking off everyone around me.

But alas, things will change!

Right now, I want to bring attention to the fact that All the Wrong Reasons is premiering at the Toronto International Film Festival to a sold out audience on the 8th! And, for those of you who may have missed it,  I am featured in the trailer for the film which was uploaded by Entertainment Weekly earlier last week.

All the Wrong Reasons Trailer!

Also, the short film BONE DEEP, which I am headlining, premieres next week at the Atlantic Film Festival in Halifax, Nova Scotia!

That is all for now, got to get some sleep before school tomorrow!

Night Abyss.

He Can Be Taught!

Hey Abyss,

I am currently looking over all the posts that I have written this summer and am surprised at how quickly it has all gone by. It seems like just yesterday I was leaving for Ottawa and now here I am leaving for Montreal in 8 days!

The older I get the quicker time passes.

As I am reading and recalling these last 4 months I am really proud of what conclusions I have come too, and the goals I have set for myself going into my 3rd and FINAL year at the National Theatre School of Canada. No longer will I be able to say, that's where I am going, or that I have one more year left.

Now, life as a "Big Actor" begins.

Everything we do this year is in preparation for us moving into the real world, away from our protective walls where we always have opportunities and roles to play with. Where people are constantly supporting us regardless of our behaviour and flaws. Where we have the freedom to fail and retry until we understand and make progress. It all comes down to these last few months, we will never have these beautiful and gracious times again.

Things change and become necessity rather than compliance. Discipline has to start coming from within, not from watching everyone else. The abilities that we have perfected (or neglected) become our meal ticket. Huge studio spaces now transform into small bachelor apartments, and collaborators go back to their community instead of coming to ours.

This all might sound depressing and morbid, but for me it is a realization and a motivator to take advantage of every opportunity I have left this year. To learn as much as I can from every person who walks through those doors, to be open to change and possibility. To expand the way I think and work. To hold that certificate in May and know that I did everything I possibly could to get the education I deserved. Now, I know that this school is not the end all and be all. I know that I will continue to learn from every team and person I work with until the day I die.

But I have goals, as usual.

To summarize: Upon completion I want to have a strong idea of what I am capable of and where I still have room to grow, I want to listen and hear everything. I want to stay positive, even in the desperate times. I want to encourage and promote my classmates instead of bringing them down. I want to create strong and compelling work with every role I get, not just the ones I like. I want to make good impression and stay connected with the people who inspire me. I want to continue working on my self discipline and making sure I will always take care of myself in Mind, Body and Soul.

I know for those of you reading this you are like, "Wow, this kid is really setting himself up for disappointment...that's a lot of goals to fulfil in 8 months..."

I am aware. I like having a check list to work from. I have had so many great (and no so great) experiences this summer that I feel like I have, deeply, changed for the better. I have come to some huge realizations about myself and cannot wait to put them into action in a setting that I have known for two years. This is my time to prove that I am more than capable of this career and I that I will fight to keep it.

BOOM!

Also, great news All the Wrong Reason's will be making its world premiere at TIFF this year! If you are in the area check me out as the Laughing Clerk. And, this weekend I was able to see a rough cut of BONE DEEP (the short film I was in towards the start of the summer) and I am really impressed with how it turned out and cannot wait for it to premiere here in Halifax at the Atlantic Film Festival! 

That's all for tonight; I'm on a Digimon kick. Thanks Netflix.

Night Abyss.

Perspective.

Hey Abyss,

Finally being able to spend some ample time in Toronto was probably the best thing I could have done for myself all summer. Simply walking around and familiarizing myself with the city, as vast as it is, was gratifying.  For some reason, I had fabricated this daunting image of Toronto, I pictured myself drowning in a sea of people and getting locked into a public restroom over night... I concluded that these thoughts were completely irrational as I felt so alive in a city with that much opportunity. There is something beautiful to me about being a stranger in a new place, big or small, I feel like anything and everything can happen. Needless to say, I had a solid week there and had some wonderful experiences with both old and new friends.

I had an absolute blast with the kids in Aladdin Jr. they all did such an amazing job and brought a beautiful energy to the show. They only got to perform it once and I really wish they could have done it again, there is nothing like performing after a successful show. I was extremely proud of the work that we as a team accomplished over those two weeks, they really stepped up and restored my faith that anything is possible with dedication and hard work. Thank you guys :)

While in Toronto I was able to see the Taming of the Shrew at Shakespeare in High Park. I loved it. The set was phenomenal and the cast was really strong and seemed to be having a blast despite the 45 degree heat wave that plagued Toronto for the week. CanadianStage collaborated with the Production grads from York university for the show, which I thought was a brilliant idea and really surged a young and contemporary energy into the piece.

I wish I could have seen MacBeth because a friend of mine was in the lead and it was apparently a very dark rendition of the show (I love dark, and macabre things).  Before I left on Saturday I managed to get rush tickets to the Part One premiere of Angels in America at Soulpepper, which simply blew my mind. The cast was so strong and really made me go, "Oh! those are what good theatre actors are like..." as juvenile and naive as that sounds. Being at a school where we are all training you see several stages of development in performance so it was refreshing to see actors who have been doing this at an extremely professional level for years. It just brought things into perspective for me, as most of the trip did.

I was able to stay with my friend Sébastien Heins and his very gracious family who esentially treated me like their son for the week. I felt so taken care of and informed in all of their hands, I really could not have asked for a better place to stay. I continue to be amazed by the work ethic of Sébastien, he just never seems to stop creatively. I admire this so much because he makes the art that he cares about, and people see this in him and offer him more opportunities to show his skills and talents. It is the creative life in its purest form, constantly producing. I feel that I am still finding out what makes me creatively tick, what makes me excited about acting, what I am looking to accomplish or work towards. And as always those ideas are constantly shifting.

I also got to hang out with my mentor Brendan McMurtry-Howlett who is the Artistic Director of Shakespeare in the Ruff and as always he had some really poignant and blunt answers to all my questions and concerns. I was worried about what was going to happen after I graduate, whether I should head right to Toronto or whether I should stay in Halifax for a year then go to Toronto or all of the other copious amounts of possibilities. His answer was simply to, "Stop planning things out and let them happen." Now, this seems basic but I really needed to hear it from someone other than my mother. That's not to say he is against planning, considering he is an AD, but when it comes to this career there isn't really a way to create a definite path.

This quote comes to mind: "Do what you can, with what you have, right now".

I think there is a large difference between control and organization. I am currently looking for that balance.

Brendan also brought up a point which I hadn't previously thought about: I usually talk, "all about my process" and I have been doing this "process" for many years it has become my fall back plan when working on a show because I feel most comfortable doing it compared to new processes that are introduced to us. This is a bad habit I intend to break this year. Brendan's point was that you shouldn't put your process on a project, but that the project should inform your process. This was huge for me because I have dealt with so much frustration this year regarding directors simply not letting me do "my thing" and it was because they didn't work that way and they didn't care. They were asking something specific from me and I was bucking the system, which resulted in me not rising to the challenge. If I had of simply let myself be open to the process they were showing us I would have learned exponentially more. So, I move forward with this thought in my mind into the new year.

On Monday of this week I went by myself to the Mrs. Carter Tour in Montreal featuring Beyoncé herself. I was blown away by the show and how hard she works at being completely flawless, and I mean that in the best way. Every step was on point, every problem or blip was met with complete confidence and a smile setting us, the audience, at ease. She was so professional and gracious to everyone who helped her put on the show from the technicians to the back up singers. Watching her reminded me of how much work needs to be put into everything before it can be at a place of comfort and flow. There was no hesitation or worry on her face at any point throughout the show, even when her weave got sucked into a fan.

I'm not joking.

Her confidence seems like an obvious thing, "of course she would be confident, she is Sasha Fierce!" But for me seeing her doing a live show, not some edited version, proved to me how little I actually work in preparation for a show. Joe Ziegler's floating head started to incircle mine repeating what he said to me, "You have a lot of talent, but you don't understand the work that it takes to become an actor..."and it finally made sense. Since being at the school I have always, more or less, flown by the seat of my pants when it comes to the lines and homework that is needed on the text. I have managed to get by on looking over the text a few times and running it in rehearsal, but as the roles and responsibilities grow so does my need of dedication.

Now I know most of you are probably thinking, "Wayne, stop beating yourself up! Everyone has to learn!" And I want you to know that's all this post is (as long as it is). I am learning about myself as an artist and a human and I want to progress, and progress happens when you can identify what needs to change. This year, for me, is about listening and changing for the better.

This last month has been extremely cleansing and has shed a lot of light on some of my biggest problems creatively and personally and I am extremely grateful to each an every person who continues to support me as I change for the better.

And speaking of support you can do me a solid by checking out Bone Deep, a film I am in in the Atlantic Film Festival. Directed by the very British Jeremy Webb and written by the delightful Jessica Marsh.

BONE DEEP

Night Abyss.

Snap Back to Reality.

Hey Abyss,

Many discoveries were made last week. I think the one that had the most impact on me was being put on the spot for not knowing my lines. That seems like a basic thing, an actor knowing their lines, but for some reason I have always struggled with memorizing text. Not a good quality to have in an actor, but it is not the worst thing. I can honestly tell you I have never gone on stage not knowing my lines, I have always managed to get everything down before we open, it just seems to takes me a lot longer than everyone else. Being at NTS has certainly enabled me to get better at locking the words in my brain by offering me a bounty full of approaches to do just that. 

I felt I had been doing well with my text for Midsummer Nights Dream and therefore over the last week, in anticipation for the weekend (which I will get into in a moment) did not do what is necessary for myself for the last part of my text. And, as it should, it came back to bite me. 

A few weeks ago I was offered a lead part in a short film that was being shot in Halifax, by a well known Actor/Director, named Jeremy Webb. His company’s previous film Wake garnered some notable attention in the festival circuit and was being back by CBC, not a bad combo. When the role was offered to me I clarified that the only way I could fly home and do it was to get the permission from my superiors at the school. So, I proceeded that Monday to acquire all the approval I needed, which was graciously given and I agreed to do the short that weekend. The plan was to fly home Thursday night and fly back Monday morning. So I would only miss two days of classes. 

Everything seemed to flow perfectly until Thursday came and I kept flubbing through my lines in the final part of the play. And it was at this time when I was put on the spot, by my director. I had been working extremely hard on my text, but due to the excitement of the weekend I failed to give it the added time I know it needed. This ultimately disappointed him, and made me feel like a complete schmuck, especially considering his generosity. He was harsh and to the point, and it was that snap back to reality that made me realize the lesson; Which was to focus on one thing at a time, and give it 150% of my energy. This problem is something that has been an issue for a while with myself. And I think it took this situation to finally let it sink in. 

Do your best with what you have right now. Then when that is over, focus on the next thing. This is my mantra for the next while until I can calm down and just enjoy what is in front of me rather than worrying about what is coming next. It is difficult, but this is what I want for a career more than anything else, and so I have to let it flow. 

The stress from not knowing my lines and disappointing my director, lead to me heading to the airport 12 hours earlier than my flight was scheduled to leave and left me stranded there for 4 hours until a friend of mine came and picked me up. Again, if I had just read the itinerary of the flight and chilled, instead of thinking how I may have been blacklisted from the class, that would not have happened and I would have been 60 dollars richer. Once, I finally got back to Halifax, everything became clearer and I spent every bit of downtime I had on set memorizing those lines for Monday. I came back yesterday, having done what should have been done and it feels good to be free of that pressure. 

Filming over the weekend was great and reminded me of how much I love film as a medium. The team was wonderful and there was such an artistry behind the whole thing, which made me feel proud to be part of it. The atmosphere on set, even though we were rushed for time, was positive and happy. There was a specific moment I recall on the second day where I was talking to Jessica Marsh over lunch and the crew and other cast members were all playing music and singing together, and it was this moment that encapsulated the whole shoot for me. A bunch of talented people coming together to make art. It was beautiful. And I am extremely grateful to have been part of such a piece. 

The film is called Bone Deep, and if you hit the link you can read more about it. 

We are into tech week right now for MSND, and so I have some things that need to get done tonight before I hit the hay. 

Night Abyss