Keep on Keeping' On

There's a part of me that's been debating about posting for the last month. But I have found something worth addressing.

After my last entry, I felt conflicted as to whether it was necessary for me to keep writing about every audition I went on. Not only would it be tedious, predictable and rather redundant, but at this point I've found my groove and am essentially going through the same process each time:
1. Get sides from agent (Hooray!)
2. Memorize/work on sides (adorn Clark Kent glasses)
3. Print off resume/head shots (NEVER FORGET THESE!)
4. Sleep (only once lines are down)
5. Run lines successfully in shower (steam helps me remember)
6. Commute to audition (they are never in convenient locations)
7. Arrive and assess competition (give the occasional stink eye when they're not looking)
8. Have a mini panic attack (everyone is so attractive!!!)
9. Find a space to warm up (usually a closet or alcove)
10. Warm up, get my breath under me (calm the heck down)
11. Audition as rehearsed (ideally)
12. Walk out with a sense of completion (or having learned something)
13. Move onto the next one (like a BAUS)

Honestly, that's it. If something crazy happens, I can assure you I will write about it.

Post done.

But for real, I've rediscovered my confidence and am riding it like a wave with my foot strapped to the board of humility.

Now, the reason I'm continuing to write is because I want focus on a part of an actors life that deserves more attention than I think it's given.

Since my last entry, I've been feeling rather drab because my personal life as been...uneventful, I find myself trying to connect with people online, or what have you, as a way to exert energy without really committing to anything. I make going to the gym my BIG event for the day then come home, take my pants off and play Batman/Pokemon till the wee hours of the morning. I've been spending way too much money on eating out because it's easier than cooking, which ironically I love doing, and although I have had some great conversations with people over the last few weeks they all end up turning into the same thing, "Yes, I was in British Columbia for 4 months...I don't know if there is gonna be a season 2...I'm just bopping around doing auditions...No, this is my first Christmas not going home...etc" I'm honored that people want to talk to me, but the reason I'm bored of those conversations is because I actually have nothing else to talk about, because I have been doing nothing else.

Some of those delightful friends have been levelling with me and telling me that, "its okay to be lazy and enjoy your free time...its okay to have dominos three times in one week...I would love to play Batman with you... drink more whiskey..." and this is all true, to a point. I'm rolling into my 5th week since finishing Olympus and it's high time I started to get my life back together. To be honest, I function so much better in chaos than idleness. I thrive in calamity. So, I must create this for myself, or at least schedule it. I have to start creating positive rituals and scheduling even the mundane, like getting a head start on my taxes (yes, that time is nearing), if I want to be successful.

I was speaking to my mother, the incredible woman that she is*, and she broke something down for me which I had yet to realize. She said, "Wayne, your life is the opposite of everyone else's, we all schedule our lives around work, our freedom comes with an annual vacation, if we're so lucky. You have to learn how to schedule your life, because your work is your vacation."

Bam.

Momma just laid it out.

Enjoy free time, be in post show slump, play video games without pants, drink pumpkin spice whiskey, but eventually one is gonna have to get one's personal life in order, because it's that preparation of the mundane that creates an opportunity for incredible work.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in the moment of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in the times of challenge." - Martin Luther King Jr.

The only way I will truly rise above is by having my artistic and personal life on point, running alongside each other, in harmony.

As the New Riders of the Purple Age said, I gotta "keep on keepin' on."

W.

P.S. I recently wrapped an episode on Remedy, Season 2 which will be premiering on Global in the New Year.

Please check out my fan page and/or website for more info on how to watch for me.

*Mother endorsement

In the Air Tonight.

A few weeks ago, a (new) friend of mine offered to take me hiking up the Stawamus Chief Mountain in Squamish, outside of Vancouver. Before this hike, the two of us had only met briefly on set through a mutual friend. Due to the lack of people my age in the cast I thought it would behoove me to not take advantage of meeting a new person, who might share some similar interests. Turns out we like a lot of the same things and are able to keep a decent conversation flowing; gotta love when I find those people. We met up downtown and drove out to the mountain, the terrain getting up to the peaks was far from easy but the view made up for it. When we finally reached "Second Peak" I was speechless: It was easily the most spiritual experience I have had in a long time.

I looked around from this massive piece of land jetting into the sky with a cloud passing by my face and the sheer beauty was like nothing I had ever seen before. Of course, I have seen this kind of scenery in films, but to experience it first hand was nothing short of magical. Sitting atop that peak, with more-or-less a stranger, humbled me. It made me respect the Earth and despise how materialistic I've become, how self-centered I am by believing that my problems are so massive. When I looked down onto the town of Squamish, with it's industrial harbor pushing out into the ocean, I felt pity. Here we are taking this beauty for granted, chipping into it to make room for more stuff, bigger condos and flashier lifestyles. It made me sad to think about how we, as a race, are depleting this natural beauty that is the Earth, for fictional fabricated happiness. 

The whole time, probably to his displeasure, I kept saying to Jeff, "This was how people lived! Natives would have travelled up to these peaks; they would have gathered their food from these bushes and trees. This was there internet, their TV!" It brought me back to the childhood feeling of anything was possible in this environment, stories and histories started to fill my imagination. I felt in touch with my soul again, it was cleansing. To add to this experience, Jeff and I were bombarded by 7, rather tame, chipmunks who proceeded to loot us for our trail mix.

They were the most aggressive chipmunks I had ever experienced. They had no fear; they knew what they wanted and went after it. These little rodents ended up crawling all over us, one even started scratching at my closed fist, thinking I was hiding nuts from him: I felt like a Disney character. 

The hike reinvigorated me, made me realize that my issues aren't really all that big and allowed me to approach my work with (a little) less control. I've spent so much time trying to figure out what to do, how to be good, how to look as calm and free as everyone else, and everything else under the sun, when it all comes down to simply letting go and living honestly.

I had a breakthrough with Martin Wood, who was directing me at the time, he said, "Don't fear it. Simply accept it." Something that has been told to me numerous times but hearing it that day finally broke my walls down and allowed me to do some of the best work of my career. It was hard, but the hardest part was letting go, relinquishing all the vanity, safety and judgment that keeps ones barriers up. When I finally released I just let Lykos take over and I truly became a vessel. 

Having that happen to me allowed me to go onto set this Friday confident and able to do solid work. It was completely freeing to just have fun and let it be what it was. I left feeling awesome, as I did the week before. There is a part of me that wants to break down this "freedom" into liquid form so I can bottle it up and inject before every scene, but that's impossible and I know that with time, and more moments like the aforementioned, it will become second nature. The key really is confidence in my abilities and myself. 

Today, I spent most of my day reading and writing on the beach. 

I'm learning to let go of all that is superfluous and unnecessary, things that don't actually contribute to my ultimate happiness. I'm excited to return to Toronto and purge my apartment of things that I no longer need. As a race, we need so little to survive: Love. I'm blessed to have a massive amount of it. Being part of this show has taught me to truly appreciate and embrace the amount that I have, so much of the world is without it. 

Money, homes, cars, clothes, they are all symbols that we give value to; they do not make or break a person. Good people are good people, regardless of whether they wear Tom Ford or hunt in the bins at Value Village. I feel this quote from Fight Club is appropriate:

"You are not how much you have in the bank. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your f**king khakis."

I am wealthy, successful and happy because I choose to be, because of my attitude and the way I treat my fellow human beings. At the end of the day, it won't matter how much I own, but how many lives I touched through my art and my relationships. That’s what makes me rich. 

I don't know whether it's the air out here, or what, but I feel so pure and euphoric. I have less than a month left and as much as I'm sad to see this wonderful, and life changing journey come to an end I am even more excited about seeing what the tide leaves for me to discover once is goes out. From now on if I can eat well, drink often, play always, laugh a lot, dream vividly, create inspiring work, see the beauty of the world, listen to the best music, see great films, foster wonderful relationships, make brave choices and live with an open heart I will be the happiest man. 

Now to train those chipmunks to do my bidding....

W.

Open.

Hey Abyss,


Solo Show happened, and it was beautiful.

It was everything I anticipated and more.

I will reiterate the talent that I am surrounded by in my class. All eleven of us are so completely different, it's wonderful. I feel honoured to be part of such a diverse class that has so many things to offer. And really neat to see that we will all be pursuing something completely individual after we graduate next year.

Where has the time gone?

The performance was phenomenal, I don't think I have ever been so nervous.

It was surreal.

I performed on Saturday to a 110 person audience, who beautifully accepted Lioness in all its glory. The opportunity to play with the audience was something that I missed deeply. There is talks of me potentially remounting the piece in Halifax this summer, but that is still undecided. I really don't want that one performance to be the end, as wonderful as it was.

The wave of energy that accosted me when I walked out was something I have never experienced before and was truly remarkable, and once I figured out how to deal with the enormous amount of energy I was home. It brought me back to all the reasons of why I love what I do and what has made me pursue this. That feeling of making people laugh, and transporting them to my world, so we can play together. Simply unforgettable. It also reminded me that is doesn't have to only be my own work that these qualities happen in. This feeling should flow through all my work, I should be affecting people that much in every performance I do, regardless of who wrote the script!

My new goal is: I want to be as open and as brave as I can be in every role. To me, right now, this is the only way to have the audience trust me enough to convince them to follow me down the rabbit hole.

Thank you Adam and Jodi, you are amazing.

We have started rehearsal for A Midsummer Night's Dream and I am playing Theseus. Joe Ziegler is directing us and he is simply awesome. His energy and enthusiasm for the text is infectious and I am stoked to get on my feet with him. I am doing my best to crossover all the work that has been percolating in me from the start of the year into this project, as there is no time like the present.

(More to come on this over the next little bit...)

I read this quote today and I think it is perfect in reminding me how to make compelling work:

"The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake."

I as an actor want to challenge peoples ideas and make them think about what they are seeing, and the only way I can do that is to work hard and give myself over to the art and where it wants to take me.

There is no room for insecurity, only vulnerability.

I am inspired by so many things lately, I feel both focused and pulled open. I want to be in this state for as long as I can. Anything is possible here.

Night Abyss.