Thursday, January 24, 2013

Want Vs. Need

Hey Abyss,

The title of tonight's entry is a question that is constantly percolating in my mind for all kinds of situations. But since this blog is about my journey as an artist that's what I will focus on. Recently I have been getting restless at school, not because I am unhappy (because I am thrilled to be here), just in the fact that I see these opportunities for jobs or connections with people that I cannot act upon due to my circumstances of being at school for another year and a half.

I am the least patient person in the to my grandfather.

We are meeting so many talented people at the school and it makes me excited to get out and work, and have the opportunities to put what I am learning into action. To work with these people in a professional setting rather than educational (not that I don't like the educational aspect, I just want to collaborate outside of school as well). And to continue to shake hands with people that could open new doors for me as a young actor.

As well as being impatient I am very driven to accomplish what I want, and so the combination of those two things can be deadly sometimes. I start to become obsessed with the ideas of what I could be doing rather than what I am doing.

Not beneficial.

Talking about this to my girlfriend she ensured me that things will happen when they will, and to get stressed about things that aren't an option right now is just wasted energy. And she is right. I need to learn how to commit myself to one thing at a time rather than focusing on all the things I could be doing. So needless to say I am going to try and put this into effect over the next little bit.

Work with Lazlo has continued to satisfy and frustrate me at the same time. He is a brilliant teacher and knows what he wants from us as actors and demands it. As silly, or as obvious as it may seem; Acting is hard work. Its not just memorizing lines and knowing your cues or where to stand, although those are all crucial things. There is so much more to acting, it is about telling a story for the first time to people who have never heard it before that show. It is living the reality of the situations that the text is providing. By bringing yourself to the text, being you in the words. How you deal with the situations that unfold. And the authenticity of those emotions.

You don't see great actors act, you see them live.

Perhaps these aforementioned ideas seem rudimentary, but when you do these things to your full capability you are exhausted. And ultimately fulfilled. Lazlo has been a huge encouragement and cement layer in my ideals as an actor over these last three weeks. The experience has been truly unforgettable.

I went to see a university production of The Glass Menagerie tonight, which is one of my favourite plays and it reminded me of how many people enjoy acting. And how society can put the people who like to act in plays and musicals and the people who are professionally trained/working actors into the same category. I think this is wrong. Just because you like to act does not mean you are a pro. Just as me saying, "Well I have nursed a bird back to health, thus I am a vet.." its not valid. I think everyone is allowed their hobbies of choice and if yours is to act and sing then power to you, mine is to heal birds, but you and I should not be put on the same measuring scale for grants. Comprende?

Yours is for fun, mine is for food.

I am not directing this towards the actors in the show, I know they weren't claiming that they were pros, just upon leaving the show these thoughts entered my mind.

Monday we start The Seagull, so I am going to get some homework in tonight.

Left with the questions: What do I want? What do I need?

I'm still undecided.

What I am sure about is how I spent the best 4 dollars of my life on a Simon & Garfunkel vinyl tonight.

Night Abyss.

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